Still rivers may run deep, but "maligned" Melissa Rivers runs with a bottomless current of vituperation for the "cabal" of Annie Duke and Brande Roderick, the "whore pit vipers" behind her Apprentice ouster last night.

But it gets better. Mama Joan weighs in with WWF-level ferocity, ranting about everything from Nazis to poker-playing trash as tough-guy teammates Jesse James and Clint Black sit back, cowed. "Forty-three-year career! I don't work with scum!" she bellows, putting the elasticity of her plastic surgery to the test.   

Just in case you thought the whole show was a charity-based competition, Joan keeps it very real indeed: "I don't want to hear this charity nonsense!" And in case you're wondering, Melissa—hobbling toward the elevator with her garment bag and shredded dignity—didn't give an exit interview. She didn't have to...