Bitch-Back! Who Can We Ban Next?

Some readers want annoying celebs out, as well as Twi-addicts. Say it ain't so!

Dear Ted:
As an animal lover, thank you for saving Charlie and promoting such a good cause. Now, if we could only neuter Paris Hilton, Jon Gosselin and Michael Lohan. What can you do about that?
—CJC

Dear Three Times the Trouble:
Depends, can we throw Octomom in there, too? If you could only ban another "celeb" from E! who would you all choose?

Dear Ted:
This is my first email to you. So there, my cherry is popped! I so love the TNT story Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift. I am actually a devoted Robstener, but that kiss was a little bit of dynamite that is soon to be the explosion. Could you keep an eye on this coupling as well?! Thanks, love your work! Go TNT!
—Cherrytastic

Dear Tay Squared:
I'm so with you babe—I think the coupling is too fab! But you know what? I feel like Ms. Swift might be a little too innocent for Taylor Lautner. I think he needs a bit more of a challenge. I still say a little older, if you pardon my dirty mind.

Dear Ted:
Reading some of your latest Bitch-Backs regarding Jen Garner, you mentioned Ben Affleck's unfortunate romantic life. I never thought about it until then—J.Lo, Gwyneth Paltrow and now Garner. Wow. What do you attribute his choices to, Ted? Is he drawn to big egos?
—Jason

Dear the Bigger the Better:
Absolutely. That and star power. Ben's interest is held by bitchy gals, for sure. Some guys just like that.

Dear Ted:
Love the additional reporting from Charlie Casablanca! However, it brought about a rift in my own household: Inspired by Charlie, I went out to the local humane society and fell in love with a furball named Bubbles. Problem? My fiancé thinks that shelter dogs are "too messed up" and wants us to get a puppy farm dog instead! Should I keep trying to convince him that it's better to save animals in need, or should I just give the ring back now?
—Puppyless

Dear Have It Both Ways:
Return the ring immediately. Clearly, you are engaged to an unfeeling idiot. You can do better.

Dear Ted:
You've never looked better, but do we have another pregnant TransMan on our hands? Your appetite in the last Truth, Lies & Ted seems to indicate so!
—Your Future Nanny

Dear Whoa:
Thanks for making me manorexic now. You don't like a guy with an appetite?

Dear Ted:
I love Kristen Stewart, and I do think she can look very pretty! But how pretty would Megan Fox be as the vampey Bella when she turns in Breaking Dawn (hope I didn't spoil it for anyone). I would die...just die! Megan would be just sooo beautiful as vampire Bella. A girl can dream can't she?
—A. Scott 

Dear One Eye Open:
You do realize you've just sent some angry Twi fans after you to hunt you down and slay you, don't you? R.Pattz's disposable waste as Bella? Never happen. But absolutely adore your train of thought.

Dear Ted:
The only forgiveness Chris Brown needs is from Rihanna and God. And guess what, he already has? Get a life. Michael Jackson did worse, and you people worship him. Get a life. And you people are not better than Chris probably has more skeletons in your closets. This story is so played. No one cares anymore. His career will be fine. And Rihanna needs help herself.
—Frenchie

Dear Chris' Friend:
You must not visit the site much or you would have used a totally different analogy than Michael Jackson.

Dear Ted:
The whole Rachelle Lefevre situation has me thinking, how exactly secure are the jobs of the rest of the castmembers? We all know these movies are going to make money no matter what, but are all the actors replaceable in the eyes of the studio? The only one I can see them not letting go of, no matter what, is Rob.
—Curious

Dear Good Point:
Rob, Kristen and Taylor are safe. But the firing of Rachelle will def whip those three back in line. And I think Summit was sending a message to the other castmembers that they are absolutely replaceable.

Dear Ted:
As much as I like Rachelle Lefevre, she never played a scary enough Victoria for me. Will Bryce Dallas Howard have us cowering in our theater seats?
—Jess

Dear Fire With Fire:
I don't think the PG-13 films are trying to scare anyone. But I def think Bryce will consider herself the hottest stuff on the Twi set. She has the most cred after all.

Dear Ted:
I am so thankful that you are with the crusade to save unwanted, neglected animals. As the mom of three adoptees (two pups, one kitty), I have to say that I agree with you—mostly. I felt the need, though, to defend quality breeders of purebred dogs. See, I also have a fur-kid I purchased from a high-quality, AKC recommended breeder. Please remember that good breeders of purebreds are different than puppy mills! Good breeders often make you sign contracts that state any nonshow-quality animal must be "fixed" and will not send you AKC registrations until you show proof of the fix; that if you are unable to care for the dog for any reason, you must return it to them versus sending it off to a shelter. My baby shih tzu's breeder has all of these things in her contracts, as well as a health guarantee. I love all of my babies equally, but there are good, responsible breeders out there, and not every person who purchases an animal from a breeder is irresponsible or uncaring.
—Happier

Dear Touché:
I see where you're coming from, doll. I'll give you that some breeders are OK.

Dear Ted:
What "team" do you play for? Just curious. I think you're the best. Thanks for all your postings.
—Gabby

Dear Duh:
You must not be talking about my sexuality right? Or are you an Awful Truth virgin?

Dear Ted:
I'm just curious as to why Summit doesn't pay to have someone coach Kristen on public speaking, 'cause she sucks at it. She stutters to much and sometimes doesn't even know what she's talking about. I feel awkward just watching and listening. You think they'll read this and just pay for it already?
—True Marine

Dear Speech Impediment:
It gives her character. Plus, if she was run-of-the-mill Reese Witherspoon rehearsed, she probably would never get any press! No one wants Kris and Rob to turn into coffee-date dull.

Dear Ted:
I totally love the idea of a separate column or at least B.B. for the Twilight folks. It's pretty bad when a B.V. that is obviously not about a Twi actor still gets nothing but Twi discussion. I've mostly given up reading comments. Come on, Ted, you need to show some love to your long-time fans!
—M

Dear Stay on Your Side:
Can't everyone place nice? Twi comments on Twi items only, or something?

Dear Ted:
First, I have to say that I totally fell in love with you. It's been months and, I'm completely addicted to your articles and Blind Vices. I don't know how I never came across your website before. Anyway, I was hooked thanks to the Judas Jack-Off Blind Vice, and I wanted to know if you have something new about him. If not, could you give us another clue or his boyfriend, Dashed Dingle-Dream?
—Sadie

Dear Jocking Judas:
Just that they're light-years ahead of Toothy Tile and Grey Goose, in so many ways.