Kate Gosselin: I Was Wrong to Treat Jon That Way

TLC star admits she didn't do everything right over the past 10 years, but it's her hubby's goals who changed in the end

The Kate-Gosselin-Sets-It-Straight train rolled into Remorseland today.

The reality-TV star whose show has been postponed out from under her admits in her latest interview that she isn't proud of the Jon & Kate Plus 8 moments she spent berating hubby Jon Gosselin or otherwise bossing him around.

"I was very hard on him and I would never deny that," she said tonight on the TLC special Kate: Her Story. "I felt very much like a lot of weight rested on my shoulders."

"I was wrong to treat him that way," she added. "Was it good, healthy and wonderful? No. Am I proud of those moments that were captured? No."

Those moments were the ones that initially had the fans playing for Team Jon in the early days of their breakup—before new Jon reared his ugly (yet now apologetic) head.

"I still wake up every day, and I think the phone will ring," Kate began, taking a long pause before she continued, her voice cracking, "and it'll be the old Jon."

"Our goals just very much changed," she said. "Our visions changed. My goals didn't change as a mom. I just think somewhere along the line, his goals changed. They felt possibly detrimental to me, and possibly detrimental to me and the kids...No blame."

She remained vague, however, when asked when it was she knew that they were over.

"I think I was on a plane coming home from somewhere and I remember thinking, We're not going to recover from this," Kate recalled. "At the end of the day, I looked at him and he looked at me, and we were just completely different people."

And though she's been choking the airwaves for weeks, here's some new fodder for the "What Did We Learn About Kate Today?" archive:

On just how real her reality show was: "Very real. Because there are a lot of things that I would gladly take back if it wasn't real."

On the possibly exploitative nature of the show: "Coming from a mom who laid on bed rest from the time I found out I was pregnant, from 7 weeks pregnant to 30 weeks, I absolutely would not put anything in my mouth that would harm them, and fought for evey second of their existence, I can tell you that there is nothing that would ever force me to put them in harm's way."

On why she doesn't quit while she's ahead: "We can't turn life off...I can't turn life off. In the last nine, 10 months, it's gotten really crazy and I can't seem to get away from it at this point. My goal in all this is I just want peace for my kids."

So why doesn't she pull the plug on the spotlight? "We're too far gone. Stepping out of the spotlight when it's prudent to do so is a good thing."

On the rumor she had an affair with her bodyguard: "So unthinkable to me that to have to think about it makes me sick."

On why she needs a bodyguard 24/7: "People have a lot of contempt and hate toward me and at the end of the day, I need to come home safe to my kids."

On Jon's personal life: "We do [talk] where it relates to the kids...As far as dating goes, I've never, ever broached the subject with him as far as anything I've ever read, seen or heard."