Keith BernsteinI know you've had to answer questions about Robert Pattinson and Rihanna, but please can you stop now? What else can we focus on for the next couple of months?
—Frankie, Indio, Calif.
Well, gee, don't forget Jennifer Aniston and the Zefron. What, his painstakingly arranged forehead hair don't utterly mesmerize you? What are you, a sea sponge?
Oh, fine. Here are 10 better things to focus on, things from Right Now and also from The Future!
1. Avatar: This James Cameron flick has been declared by critics as nothing less than the test for the future of 3-D movies. If it does well, huzzah, maybe we'll be getting a 3-D view of Carrie Bradshaw's Manolo collection. If not, we can safely say that the world—or at least, the film world—really is flat. It doesn't come out until December, but you have my express permission to get worked up now.
2. Salmonella: I hereby declare it to be in corn, matzo, gin and vitamins. No one eat anything!
3. James Franco: The biz cannot get enough of that child. Cannot get enough. Franco is in final negotiations to star opposite Danny "Eastbound & Down" McBride in a comedy called Your Highness. Reportedly, he had to—get this—turn down a gig opposite Leo DiCaprio because Franco's sked was too full. Franco is also currently shooting a flick about beat poet Allen Ginsberg and may star opposite Julia Roberts in a big-screen adaptation of Eat, Pray, Love. I'll stop now before Robert Pattinson starts to cry.
4. African adoptees: Mine is named Clancy. Have you got yours yet? No?
5. Hot pink: Not just me talking. Just got off the blower with a marketing director for 1928 jewelry who confirms that loud pinks are way, way trendy. Only the brightest pinks—ones that officially trigger migraines—count for this trend. If there is no ocular hallucination, it is not fashion.
6. Harry Potter, again: One of my B!tchlettes on Twitter suggested we get all het up about the next Harry Potter movie, due out this summer. Selling point: It's not New Moon.
7. No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency: Because Life on Mars has been canceled, and other than the fact that No. 1 takes place in Botswana, and the lead is an African-American female, and the whole thing does not take place in the 1970s, the two are totally the same.
8. The trailer for After Last Season: If you can tell me what this thing is—a hoax? Just a really bad flick?—I'll mail you $1,000 in pennies. Well, no I won't.
9. Gigantic pants: Seen the new spring fashion collections? They're all about really huge pants. Naomi Campbell recently posed in a voluminous pair of genie pants. I could stash like 12 Clancys in one pair of those massive pants.
10. Sex and the City II: Even though it has no specific plot, no wardrobe, no trailers and no stills yet, I'm a female in my 30s, which means that by law I have to get all screamy or I must be a killjoy. So. Eeeee.
And did you know: You can Twittify anything by putting a "tw" in front of a word! Like this: Twihanna, we tweart you!
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