Ask the Answer B!tch

PacificCoastNews.com; Jun Sato / WireImage; Flynet

I have seen photos of, like, Madonna and Angelina Jolie where the blood vessels in their arms seem all swollen and protruding—like there's no layer of fat. Is there some secret weight loss thing going around?
—MMinerva07, via the inbox

If by "secret weight loss thing" you mean starvation, or close to it, then yes, that is "going around," though I can't say for sure which specific A-listers may have adopted that tactic.

I got to the bottom of this veiny arms trend, which is real:

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ABC/Mario Perez; Giles Keyte/Focus Features; Peter Mountain/Disney Enterprises; Kelsey McNeal/FOX

Why must every major film hero be named Jack? There's a new George Clooney movie out, and I won't see it because—guess what his name is!
—Cordie, via the inbox

Oh don't stop there. There was Jack Shephard in Lost. Jack  the hero of the video game Bioshock. Jack Ryan from the Tom Clancy books and movies. Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean. Jack Bauer from 24. Jack Welles from the new movie Takers. And on and on and on.

It's not the only name out there, but it is the most hackneyed. Here's why:

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Craig Sjodin/ABC

Why did DWTS pick so many reality TV personalities this season? Do these "celebrities" really need another show?
—Heather S., via Facebook

Well, it's not like Audrina Patridge has a chance at an Oscar. If she wants to remain famous, she has two choices: Get probably pregnant and drag out the announcement for as long as possible, or get another reality show.

As for The Situation, David Hasselhoff and Bristol Palin—who feels like a reality regular even if she'd never had a show—there's a reason why they're in the cast this season, too:

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Kevin Winter/Getty Images

The red carpet has been rolled and January Jones has probably burned that Versace by now, but the questions about last night's Emmy Awards spectacular continue to roll into this B!tch's inbox. So let's knock 'em all down in this very special Emmy edition of an Answer B!tch Lightning Round!

How much beer did Ricky Gervais end up giving out at the Emmys?
—DyL, via the Answer B!tch inbox

Well, not enough, because I didn't get any. And quite a few celebrities probably left quite sober as well, because...

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Nancy Kaszerman/ZUMAPress.com; Ramey Photo

Why's Bill O'Reilly suddenly so interested in young Hollywood—Justin Bieber, Kim Kardashian? Jealous?
—Abe, Montana, via the inbox

I suspect that Bill O'Reilly is obsessed with me, so he singles out every celebrity in my column. I would even offer proof from Billo confirming this obvious fact, but I'm told he's on vacation and "unreachable."

Still, there's a probable method to his need to criticize Kim Kardashian and Justin Bieber (on their flirtatious Elle shoot) and Jennifer Aniston (over statements about motherhood):

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AKMimages.net

Just saw Lindsay Lohan's first photo out in public since she left rehab. She's wearing so many things and posing. Is she getting paid for all of this?
—KevB41, via the inbox

You mean you don't walk out of your house every morning sporting $300 designer headphones and holding up a RockStar energy drink like a girl in a parade? What an odd, exotic creature you are.

For the record, it appears that Lohan's photo wasn't, as you understandably suspect, a paid product-placement ploy. At least, not directly:

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RAMEY PHOTO

What's up with Bradley Cooper and Renée Zellweger? Are they still on or what?
—StarPop, via the Answer B!tch inbox

They're on, all right. But I refuse to say on like Donkey Kong. I will say, instead, that they reportedly stepped out on a date last Friday and apparently spent the night in a Santa Monica hotel. They were also spotted together for a sushi date at Nobu earlier this month.

Need more celebrity gossip in your ear? No problem. Behold, a brand new podcast.

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Here's a question: Why does Jennifer Aniston keep getting high-profile film gigs when her films (with very few exceptions, like Marley & Me) are stinkers?
—Freddie B., via Facebook

You clearly speak of The Switch, among other gems, but come now. Movies about misplaced semen are so fresh and unexplored, aren't they? And nobody can deliver them with that special all-American-jilted-cheerleader glow of Aniston's! Hater.

Anyway, I have the secret behind Jen's seemingly unnatural lifespan in filmdom, and it only partially involves a satanic grimoire and the blood of 40 virgins:

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Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

Is Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino the richest reality douchebag on the planet?
—Outer Mongolia, via the inbox

He's clearly among the wealthiest gorillas, yes. If you're more of a Ronnie or Vinnie kind of Jersey Shore fan, you may not want to know that The Situation—or, as the Hollywood Reporter has aptly dubbed him, The Corporation—stands to make $5 million in endorsements and other deals this year.

How much Sorrentino's ego is making, however, is still under investigation:

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RAMEY PHOTO; Matt Symons /PacificCoastNews.com

Why do celebrities' hair extensions look so terrible? I'm thinking of Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. Don't they have money and stylists?
—DR, Traverse City, Mich. via the inbox

You speak as if the only type of hair extension in Hollywood is the ratty kind. You would be wrong. It's very, very common for all manner of celebrities—A-list, B-list, and Kardashian—to have extensions, from Nicole Kidman and Cameron Diaz on down. Miley Cyrus has quite a decent headful of work, for example.

The reason why people like Britney and Lindsay do not? Well, how's this for an inside lock, er, look...

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