Ask the Answer B!tch

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Why wasn't Michael Jackson's doctor charged with murder? What does involuntary manslaughter even mean? He deserves everything he gets!
—Wanda, New York, via the Answer B!tch inbox

Just because fans were screaming "murderer" as Conrad Murray entered the courtroom today—and just because the Jackson royal family has decreed that Michael Jackson was "murdered"—doesn't mean the doctor is a homicidal maniac in the eyes of Lady Justice.

When it comes to the law, you need to put aside the fan hysteria and look at the facts.

And there's a big reason why prosecutors are going with an involuntary manslaughter charge—to which Conrad has pleaded "not guilty." Which is...

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Flynet

Why would Reese Witherspoon go on a date with an agent? Doesn't she have her pick of hot actors to snag?
—TylerP., Connecticut, via the Answer B!tch inbox

Indeed, Reese Witherspoon has reportedly gone on a very not-staged-looking date with a Jim Toth of the Death Star-slash-agency CAA. To complicate matters, Toth looks a bit like Jeremy Piven, who plays a superagent on Entourage.

In Hollywood, dating isn't just dating. Actors can pick their partners as much for their fame-enhancement possibilities as they do for their looks or sweet ways. That isn't to say that Reese doesn't like the Piven-looking guy for who he is, but you never know.

So does an agent offer the best possibilities for keeping Reese in the press? Or maybe a costar or director?

Let's compare:

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Michael Caulfield/ Getty Images; Ebet Roberts/Getty Images

Is the superstar era over? Think Madonna, Michael Jackson, U2, the Boss. Is Lady Gaga the way to go now? Instant fame, (probably) quick decline?
—Pique Santos, via Facebook

Fame is still as famey as ever—in fact, more so.

Sure, there are literally more people able to see Lady Gaga groping around in a Wild Rumpus suit than there were in the age of Marilyn Monroe or the rise of Michael Jackson. But that's no measure of the quality of someone's fame.

The intensity and universality of worship—how many different demographics adore an actor or singer—now, that's how you measure fame.

And no new star who has risen in the past five years—not Taylor Swift, not Robert Pattinson, not Gaga—has...

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What's the deal with Shutter Island? They had trailers out early fall, and now they're opening the movie in the dead of winter. Did Scorsese and DiCaprio make a stinker they're trying to hide?
—Karen in Indiana, via the Answer B!tch inbox

If you have Martin Scorsese lighting up your phones asking why his picture has been moved from October—the height of Oscar season—to February, you cite circumstances largely out of your control.

You say you don't have the money to showcase the movie properly until 2010. And that your star, Mr. Leonardo DiCaprio, is, of course, a legend in his own time, much like you, Mr. Scorsese, but he's not available for international publicity junkets right this second.

And that is, in fact, what Paramount has said, to Scorsese and the press. (Meantime, we're getting some pretty righteous trailers, like this new Super Bowl spot that came out today.)

Movie marketing insiders tell me these reasons are indeed valid—but they may not be the full story...

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Steve Granitz/Getty Images

Do some celebs wear unappealing fashions to get noticed? In Hollywood, is there really no such thing as bad publicity?
—Henry P., via the Answer B!tch inbox

If you're asking whether Drew Barrymore knew she would get waterboarded by the blogging community for bringing her own flotation devices to the rain-soaked Golden Globes, the answer is probably no.

As for Lady Gaga's Grammy getup, first things first:

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John Shearer/Getty Images

Having seen Lady Gaga and others last night, I wonder, How do the stars go to the bathroom when they are wearing those long gowns, especially the ones with the long trains? Do they have to have someone go into the stalls with them?

—MaFleming, via the Answer B!tch inbox

Hollywood stylists are expected to do many things for their clients on awards show night, including parading around with them at all times if they have several wardrobe changes. (Rihanna had at least two on Grammy night; she likely had a minion standing by in case of a clothing crisis—Nicole Kidman-style headlights, for example.)

But what goes on in the bathroom? I mean besides bunches of A-listers getting together to discuss how many Spanx they're wearing? Well...

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Kevin Winter/ Getty Images, Twentieth Century Fox

Now that Avatar has topped Titanic as the world's biggest-grossing movie, can we finally agree that James Cameron is the greatest director of all time?
—Frank, via the Answer B!tch inbox

Dear Person Possibly Masquerading as James Cameron:

Yeah, no.

Even if we're measuring success strictly via numbers, Cameron is still way eclipsed when it comes to box office success. In fact, another very big director still has a claim over Cameron in the ticket-sales department—for a very different kind of alien flick...

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Darren Carroll/Getty Images

Is Tiger really a sex addict, or is he just trying to save his image and career?

—LizzyZ, via the Answer B!tch inbox

Jeez, so cynical. Just because Tiger and his sponsors sold him as a family man who lives for fatherhood and healthy marital relations, and just because said image was a complete fraud, well, that's no cause to accuse Tiger of lying. Again. That's just cruel and mean.

But then again, if you're asking whether Tiger truly wants to be in sex rehab right now, the answer is probably...

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NBC Photo: Dana Edelson

Just what can we expect from Conan O'Brien next?
—Geegee, via the Answer B!tch inbox

Well, Conan O'Brien has signed a very pricey deal that pretty much requires him to put the string dance on hold, at least, until Sept. 1.

Statements on Conan's $45 million exit from NBC have been vague, but we're looking at an eight-month period where Conan probably won't be able to launch his own show.

So what can Conan do during that time? Can he even make a phone call to make a date to discuss discussing a new show? It's possible...

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Press Association via AP Images; John Shearer/Getty Images

Now that Casey Johnson is dead and Paris Hilton is over, who are the new spoiled rich heiress types we can look forward to seeing?
—GLB, via the Answer B!tch inbox

If by "seeing" you mean "enjoying rich people stumbling down a red carpet wearing Giuseppe Zanottis that may or may not be theirs," you could be looking at a relatively dying breed.

For every debutante trainwreck or lavish spender waiting to dominate Page Six in coming years, there are a good half-dozen heiresses who seem to enjoy posing for Vanity Fair while sober.

But about those trainwrecks and lavish spenders...

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Craig Blankenhorn/HBO

The new Martin Scorsese TV show is supposed to be the most expensive ever made. Come on, really? What about Lost?
—Jemi, Chicago

There is a lone report floating around that says the pilot for the upcoming HBO show Boardwalk Empire will cost $50 million. It's a story from an anonymous source, but not entirely unbelievable.

Look, you have a show involving Steve Buscemi, Mark Wahlberg and Martin Scorsese. If those three guys ask you for $50 million, you give them $50 million, or you wake up one day with a face like Mickey Rourke after he's been beaten by Joe Pesci with a baseball bat.

Does that figure topple Lost as one of the biggest budget pilots ever? Well...

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I can't believe NBC is favoring Leno over Conan. Who even likes Leno?
—Vork, via the Answer B!tch inbox

First of all, your terminology is incorrect. There is no Jay Leno or Conan O'Brien, only Team Chin and Team CoCo. Understood?

For the record, most of you, my dear rabid B!tchlettes, appear to favor Team CoCo, aka Conan, in the latest late-night war.

You say he should be able to keep his promised slot. But if you want to blame anyone for keeping Jay Leno on the air and shoving Conan out of his rightful 11:35 p.m. place, I have your scapegoat right here...

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