After seeing this photo, we were really tempted to make up a gossip headline out of nothing—"Ashton Kutcher Uses TV Salary to Buy Island Full of Topless Brazilians, Feeds Them Nothing But Coconut-Flavored Air!"
But we can't, because we're the entertainment media. Which means we are so totally, completely responsible and would never, ever imply that the actor is currently flying to that island on a private jet right now. Or that the jet is piloted by Gisele Bundchen and staffed by Alessandra Ambrosio, and that both of those models are wearing only raffia thongs and a smile.
Instead we'll tell you the truth.
Yeah, that's Demi Moore's pending ex and yep, that's Brazilian super hanger Alessandra and she's topless on a beach that none of us can afford. But the reason is purely commercial—you're looking at photos for South American label Colcci's summer 2012 campaign.
The line features color-block dresses, ironic farm boy shirts, and—oh, come on, do we care?
Ashton has his hand on Alessandra's butt and Alessandra isn't wearing a top. That is the story. Carry on.