Katy Perry Pregnant? "Hell No!" But You'll Never Believe What She Blamed for Her Bumpwatch…

Russell Brand's better—albeit shockingly candid—half shoots down tabloid speculation that she's expecting with a surprising explanation of her midsection

You know the saying—first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage. Well, Katy Perry's two for three.

And while Russell Brand's wife of one year hasn't made any announcements with regards to completing that triumvirate, the media seemed content to make it for her, spawning bumpwatch in the wake of both Katy's comments that when it comes to babies, she would happily "keep popping them out"—as well as her decision to don a slightly unforgiving series of outfits at the AMAs.

So what does this outspoken star have to say about the incessant scrutinizing of her midsection?

Pretty much exactly what you'd expect her to say...and then some.

"Hell no!" she told Hollyscoop when asked flat-out if she was planning to take maternity leave anytime soon.

And she didn't stop there.

"I still like drinking alcohol, so not yet," she told the Insider, before further hypothesizing on the source of the rumors. Um, parents, cover your kids' eyes now.

"I just have a fat upper-p---y area," she said. "Sorry. I like In-N-Out Burger and Taco Bell, and if you want to make that pregnant, then that's your problem."

Well, that's one way to get the rumors to stop—just render everyone in the room completely speechless. Well played, Katy. Well played.