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Stassi Schroeder, Vanderpump Rules, Reunion

Nicole Wilder/Bravo/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images

She's back!

After scorching the earth under just about every relationship she had last season on Vanderpump Rules, the original queen bee Stassi Schroeder made her return on tonight's episode with her tail between her legs, hoping the time was right to make nice.

With the rest of SURvers still in Hawaii racking up felony charges (more on that later), Stassi only got as far as Kristen Doute's living room, but word still made its way to Waikiki. And it wasn't received well. "We knew she'd come crawling back," her bitter enemy Scheana Shay said in disgust. "We just didn't know when."

Vanderpump Rules Cast

Tommy Garcia/Bravo

While Stassi's timing may be a little suspect (she admits she's nearly broken up with her boyfriend, Kristen suggests she's rolling downhill towards rock bottom, etc.), her return is a gift to fans who've missed her particular brand of cutting wit this season. Seriously, is there anything better than watching Stassi watch Kristen lie through her teeth about never letting anyone cheat with her (when we all know full well Jax cheated on Stassi with Kristen while Kristen was with Tom Sandoval)?

Maybe only her gem of a soundbite afterwards. "So, there's this special appetizer today and it's called my tongue, which I am biting because I am not going to say anything because I'm on this forgiveness kick."

Welcome back, Stassi. Please never leave us again.

Stassi Schroeder, Lisa Vanderpump, Vanderpump Rules


That said, no one is going to make this return easy for their former friend. No, if Scheana and Katie Maloney's brutal words on the beach are any indication, she's in for one hell of a fight. A sampling:

Scheana: "She's f--king a pathetic loser who has no friends, no jobs, no money."
Katie: "I just want her to stay as far away from me as possible."
Scheana: "This girl doesn't do things for other people. She's out for herself and she's using Kristen. I'm very curious to see what she's using her for."
Katie: "What the f--k is going on? I don't want to be friends with Stassi again. I don't her working on Kristen to try to get to me. I don't want them talking about me. I don't want them thinking about me. So whatever they're doing, I hope has nothing to do with me."
Scheana: "She's still that little f--king bitch."

Like we said, one hell of a fight. But before she faces those foes, it looks like she's going to have to go through the real queen, Lisa Vanderpump. Hope she's invested in some armor.

Spare Parts:

-Is Lala becoming the secret hero of the season after having to endure all that horrific slut-shaming, James' incessant attempts to sleep with her, and Jax's sociopath-like denial of his part in their flirtation? We'd have been crying for our mom in our hotel bed, too.

-Speaking of Jax, is there anything stupider than getting so drunk between checking out of your hotel and flying home that you feel entitled to steal sunglasses expensive enough to warrant a felony? And is there anything more disgusting than when he blew his nose into a hotel towel?

-Tom Schwartz with your biology lesson for the night: "Did you know whale vaginas are as big as a bus?"

-Stassi Schroeder, life coach: "Listen, when you don't have your s--t together, you have to dress like you do."

Are you glad Stassi's back? Or was the show better off without her? Sound off in the comments below.

Vanderpump Rules airs Mondays at 9 p.m. on Bravo.

(E! and Bravo are both part of the NBCUniversal family.)