AP Photo/Thomas Kienzle;John Shearer/Getty ImagesThough Abraham Lincoln may have died from a bullet to the head 143 years ago, thanks to Madonna and Britney Spears, his iconic top hat lives on. Both superstars are sporting the legendary style of brim made famous by the revered 16th president.
"Lincoln would have been proud of these ladies, these fine Americans," stated presidential historian Malcolm Kettleman to Soup Blog reporters. "And while he would have been repulsed by Madonna's thin, wiry, almost masculine body, history tells us that Lincoln would have certainly favored the voluptuous curves of Spears, her insouciant, sassy Southern manner, and the fact that she's a dirty little tease who, like the South itself in the era of our greatest president, needs to be taught a lesson she won't soon forget," continued Kettleman, sweating profusely. "And I agree with him completely."