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    Beyoncé's Latest ($70,000) Luxury

    Beyonce, Jay-Z, Hudson Table

    Newlyweds Beyoncé and Jay-Z are obviously not feeling a dent to their nicely lined bank accounts like the rest of the country—the power couple smacked down $70k on a new dining room table.

    No, not a new dining room—just the friggin' table, a hideous piece of furniture that belongs back on the tree it came from, not in someone's living quarters. Seventy grand? You could buy the entire contents of IKEA with that. Why doesn't architecture hobbyist Brad Pitt help the couple decorate—B.P.'s been known to plunk down endless amounts of his hard-earned money on fugly fine-art furniture, too—just looks so much better. Oh, and which we're certain won't get utterly ruined with six kids all under the age of seven running around.

    OK, Mr. and Mrs. Z, you're rich. We knew that. But if you're gonna choose such an unsightly table, ya think ya could have picked one that could have fit in the service elevator, instead of flaunting your luxury all over the neighborhood with a crane? Nice. The jobless all over New Yawk are so grateful.

    —Additional sass by Becky Bain

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