During a press conference this morning at a local Applebee’s restaurant, Satan, Lord and Master of All That Is Dark, spoke out on alleged comments from notorious British singer Amy Winehouse. The 25-year-old multiple Grammy winner, long known for erratic, apparently substance-fueled behavior, was filmed during a recent recording session ranting that “Satan was giving her drugs,” according to England’s The Sun newspaper.
“Sure. Here we go again, the old Devil-made-me-do-it routine,” stated the Evil One. “Come on, do you think I have time to give away drugs? Look how screwed up the world is right now. Obviously, I’ve been busy as hell, especially with the election coming up. If Amy actually said that, it hurts, man, it really does. She’s been a favorite of mine for years, along with Miley, of course. Ain’t she something?”
Picking from a plate of Irresistible Sizzling Fajitas, Lucifer continued, “I certainly applaud Amy’s self-destructive behavior, but if she’s going to do drugs, she doesn’t need my help. Christ...these fajitas really are irresistible.”