FacebookAs red-blooded Americans, we turn our nose up at any food product that's not wrapped in bacon. It's a crime against everything this country stands for and it's probably somewhere in the Constitution that items not wrapped in bacon must be dragged out into the town square and stoned. That's why you sometimes see photos in U.S History books of people throwing rocks at fried turkey legs…because of the lack of bacon.
That's also known as the Ron Swanson Rule.
But let us digress from this ridiculous, totally made up American history lesson to tell you about Little Caesars new pizza monstrosity. As you can probably tell by the photo, that is a pizza that's wrapped in bacon. That clenching you feel in your chest is probably your heart crying out in either pain or joy, depending on your eating habits.
It's called the Bacon Wrapped Crust DEEP!DEEP! Dish pizza, and it's an eight-corner Detroit-style deep dish crust wrapped in thick-cut bacon and topped with pepperoni and…you guessed it, more bacon.
"Little Caesars focuses on giving customers new flavors and choices at a great value and with the sense of fun we're known for," Edward Gleich, Senior Vice President of Global Marketing, said in a statement. "With the new Bacon Wrapped Crust DEEP!DEEP! Dish we're pushing pizza to its bacon limits with more than three and a half feet of bacon wrapped around the crust alone. It's unabashedly delicious. That's why we like to say, 'In Bacon We Crust!'"
Starting Feb. 23, bacon connoisseurs and lover of clogged arteries can get their hands on the bacon-wrapped crust, but only for a limited time. For 12 bucks, you too can get your pizza wrapped in bacon so you never have to worry about meeting your daily calorie intake again.
Meanwhile, we will be starting the online petition to change the official motto of the United States from "In God We Trust" to "In Bacon We Crust."
Bless this country.