CWWhoa there, Arrow. Who do you think you are, using your midseason finale cliffhanger to throw your main character off of an actual cliff? Meanwhile, American Horror Story did something, and Nashville had a wedding that was not the wedding you were expecting! All that and more in tonight's Rants and Raves!
RANT/RAVE: Arrow: Oliver Queen is dead.
Sure, he's probably not dead dead, but things were certainly not looking good for Captain Broodface there as Ra's al Ghul choked him, stabbed him straight through the torso, and then sent him toppling over a cliff at the end of an intense and shirtless sword fight that only happened because Oliver had to take the fall for Thea unknowingly killing Sara. Damn. So Oliver is currently lying lifeless at the bottom of a cliff, along with our freakin' jaws. That is how you do a midseason finale cliffhanger, people.
RAVE: Arrow: If this means we're in for some Lazarus Pit action, we are so on board, after doing some light but slightly worried reading on resurrection in the DC universe.
RAVE: Arrow: One of the two things that Oliver knew about himself was that he loves Felicity, and now all we can think about is Felicity finding out that Oliver is dead. Our hearts are already broken.
RANT: Arrow: Our dreams for the new year involve somebody finally letting Thea into the loop. It is time.
RANT: Arrow: We spent all of "The Climb" waiting for Miley Cyrus' "The Climb" to start playing. Needless to say, we were disappointed.
RANT: American Horror Story: Sorry, WTF? What is the point of anything anymore? Even Coven, which was widely lambasted, was heading towards something, but we've got no idea where any of this is going, or where we want it to go, or whether we want it to go anywhere at all. Every episode just leaves us feeling sad and confused, and not in a good way.
RANT: American Horror Story: Let's run down the happenings, shall we? Dandy killed an Avon lady to turn her and his mother into a Dot and Bette puppet. Regina called a cop on him, but he made friends with the cop and killed Regina. Jimmy fed Ima a lot of food, said "If you want it long and hard, I need you soft and wide," (ewwww) and then had sex with her. Dot wanted to have sex with Jimmy while Bette just closed her eyes, but Jimmy didn't want to do that because he's in love with some other "lucky girl." Jimmy was then arrested for having killed all those girls he's been pleasuring with his hands, but really that was Dandy, and Dandy's framing him.
Dell became so overcome with guilt that he almost hung himself, but Desiree cut him down before he succeeded. Elsa and Stanley almost managed to pretend to cut Bette and Dot apart when really they were just going to kill them, or something, but Bette and Dot decided against it, and the doctor was really just a prostitute anyway. Did we get everything? Ugh.
RAVE: The 100: Raise your hand if you had to shock baton your heart to start it up again when Lincoln DIED. That's right, The 100 writers literally killed off the fan-favorite Grounder-turned-Reaper when the withdrawals of the drug used to turn him into a mindless cannibal turned out to be too much for his heart to handle, and it stopped...only to have Abby use her shock baton to restart his heart after the commercial break just in time to secure the truce with the Grounders! That was just cruel, show. But for a minute after that ordeal, Lincoln seemed to be back to his normal self, even recognizing Octavia and saying her name! Is he going to return to his normal self again?!
RANT: The 100: Jaha, you are no longer Chancellor of the Ark, so stop trying to steal that position of power from Abby. She's making the right calls (i.e. listening to Clarke because Clarke is always right), and is going to save your people, so sit down, shut up and let the ladies lead. Side note: how awesome are the gender dynamics on this show?! Out of the three societies we have met (the Ark, the one Grounder tribe and the Mountain Men), two are now led by ladies and the one that is still operating under a patriarchal power structure is the evil one. Who run the world? Girls.
RAVE: The 100: As much as we hate to see Clarke in pain, Finn needs to face the music for slaughtering that unarmed, peaceful Grounder village. So far, he's gotten off pretty easy, being pardoned by his people and forgiven by his friends. But the Commander of the Grounders will only agree to the truce with the Ark if they hand over Finn. Peace begins with his death, and honestly, we're not all that upset about that. #Bellarke
RAVE: Nashville: Rayna, it took you long enough! That's what we were screaming at our TV when she broke off her engagement to Luke, and it's all because of Deacon. Rayna still loves Deacon! We just want to shout it from the rooftop. And hey, we never did like Luke...he's petty, immature and an all-around jerk. That temper tantrum he threw when Rayna called things off? So. Not. Attractive.
RAVE: Nashville: Somone else that finally came to their senses? Avery! He realized he couldn't just be Juliette's friend, because he still loves her! (Sensing a pattern here?) They went to the courthouse and got a quickie wedding, and we can't stop smiling.
RANT: Nashville: Jeff Fordham, please crawl back into the hole from which you came. Hearing the skeezy record label exec tell Will to "butch it up" to make the gay rumors go away makes us want to vomit. And then Jeff sleeps with Will's wife Layla, and then passes her right back to Will like she's property and when she gets upset about that, he gives her to take pills to "take the edge off?!" Ew. And then when she overdoses on those very same pills and drowns at his holiday party, the first call he makes? Not to an ambulance, but to his new "friend" Teddy aka Mayor Who Likes to Sleep With Escorts to get him to pull some strings and help cover it up! Just ew.
RANT: Nashville: If this show kills off Deacon via cirrhosis of the liver/cancer, we will riot. He's cleaned up and gotten sober, and this is the reward he gets?!
RANT: Modern Family: Sure, Claire walked away with a tattoo and Haley ended up with a new car, but that was probably the lamest 21st birthday party ever, and we spent ours buying a bottle of $5 wine at a Walgreen's.
RANT: Chicago PD: We knew the moment Burgess stepped away that something bad was about to happen, and we were right. She got shot, and now we have to wait a month to see if she survives. Man, we love the holidays, but we do not love these long breaks from TV.
What did you watch tonight? Feel free to rant and rave with us in the comments!