In the last week, Britney and Zac Efron were admitted into Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, and both Nicole and Xtina delivered their babies there. Is that the only hospital in Hollywood, or is there something extra special about it that brings all celebrities there? Love your column!
—Juliette, Strasbourg, France
The B!tch Replies: Yep, Cedars-Sinai is known as the birthing center to the stars, not just because of its proximity to Beverly Hills and the Westside, but also because of its celebrity-oriented maternity ward that smells so pleasantly of talc, freshly laundered bunting and well-licked ass.
We're talking private, 24-hour nurses, gourmet meals and, in adjacent rooms, plush beds for the entourage. This is the hospital that, according to WENN media, booted a pregnant woman from a prereserved birthing suite when Julia Roberts came blazing through the doors ready to push out little Phinnaeus and Hazel.
Before stars even give birth there, they are asked questions that would seem bizarre in most other hospitals around the country, questions like, will you be checking in under an alias? And do you want us to not talk to the baby after it's born?
Yes. Really. Read that in Los Angeles magazine.
"They are just known for having the most luxurious suites," says Danielle Friedland, editor of Celebrity Baby Blog. "It doesn't even matter if you have the money for the suite. It's known for giving preferential treatment to celebrities."
It may be high-end, but that doesn't mean Cedars is immune to royal screwups, even involving A-list babies. Dennis Quaid's brand-new infant twins were recently given an extremely dangerous overdose of a blood thinner shortly after birth. (Little Thomas and Zoe are, by the way, okay.)
Another place to push these days—or, actually, get your C-section—is St. John's in Santa Monica, a hospital practically within air-kissing distance of all-important Malibu.
Apparently, St. John's has a state-of-the-art maternity ward, along with a newly expanded labor and delivery area that can accommodate one's entourage. That would explain its roster of celebrity mommies and daddies, including Heidi Klum and Seal, Rita Wilson and Tom Hanks, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver, Brooke Shields and some writer, and TomKat.
Celebrities even go there when they aren't pregnant but want to be someday—and want the world to know it. Marie Claire once interviewed Mischa Barton while she strolled around St. John's, marveling at the all the cuteness.
"Once inside," the magazine dutifully reported, "Barton meets new mother Kassie and her identical twin girls...'They're so fragile and innocent,' marvels Barton. 'Adults are so driven by material possessions. But you can amuse a baby with a two-dollar toy for hours, and everything's cool. Babies make everyone happy.' "
Yes. And so do 24-hour private nurses and gourmet meals.
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