How do stars dye their hair without making it frizzy?

How do stars like Britney and Jessica dye their hair blond without damaging it? When I see average people on the street with dye jobs, their hair looks frizzy. What gives?

By: Dawn Braithwaite, Toronto, Canada

A.B. Replies: You, too, can avoid barnyard hair. Just whip out that $700 pimp wad you'd otherwise throw away on a house payment or health insurance, and place it in the hands of a top Hollywood hairstylist. You'll swear by Marco or Deiter or whatever dangerously stylish alchemist your salon assigns to you. Maybe he'll even give you something to talk about with Lindsay Lohan next time you meet up with her in the VIP room at Mood.

Yes, spend that money at once. Lindsay definitely needs a new friend.

According to David Abrams, co-owner of the Luxelab salon in Santa Monica (the place often goes by LUXELAB, but honestly, there's no need to scream like that), celebrities have at least three advantages that allow them to go blond without looking like a bale of angry wheat.

First, there's the fact that most stars have $700. That's the cost Abrams estimates it would take to turn a raven-haired bobblehead into a proper-looking blonde. A light-brown bobblehead might get away with spending, say, $400. Unlike slippers and lip glosses and phones colored kitten-barf pink, most dye jobs don't come free for celebrities.

At least, not for Marcia Cross and the others who frequent Luxelab. Sure, Cross looks like a giant sexy praying mantis forged in platinum and breathed into life by virgins made from cloud droplets, but Abrams just doesn't impress that easily.

These $700 stylists are not ordinary. They may not even be people. They like to pore over a single head of hair for hours, adding gossamer-thin stripes of different shades of gold with names like Honey Insurrection and Wheat Bless. They are the same type of people who think that eating a pomegranate is fun.

"There are lots of ways to get to blond, and a lot of them can be pretty nasty," Abrams tells this B!tch. "But natural-looking hair isn't all the same color, so when you see stars with really good blond hair, you're seeing multiple shades."

Such shades create "natural movement," Abrams confides.

Another starry advantage: They can afford to hire people to dry their hair properly, creating a ridiculously healthy shine that whispers of wet-eyed, adoring paparazzi and a blistering feud with at least one Olsen. Proper drying means wielding a brush the size of a large can of Libby's pumpkin innards and pulling two-inch hair sections using one's entire body, not just the arm.

This B!tch has had this done--you can still see my hair from deep space. Any A-lister making a public appearance--even one who looks scrunched or air-dried or permed--has had a blowout.

Finally, stars get truckloads of free goods sent to their houses every week, much of them hair-care essentials that would cost people like you, say, $40. These products are everywhere in Los Angeles. At Luxelab, there's even a salve called Blonde Aid.

Or you could hop down to Brentwood and see this B!tch's peeps at the Juan Juan Salon, where they have helpful aids like L'Oréal Professionnel's Série Expert Shine Blonde. That's French for special.