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Every Joke From Seth Meyers' 2014 Emmys Monologue, Ranked

Seth Meyers, Emmy Awards Vince Bucci/Invision for the Television Academy/AP Images

He's no Amy Poelher or Tina Fey (join the club, and that club sucks), but Seth Meyers' opening monologue at the 2014 Emmys still got enough laughs to kick off this atrociously boring (thus far) evening.

Why did his bit work so much? All his digs at network television and the TV industry itself. Oh, and one more dig at the How I Met Your Mother finale, because we can never have enough of those.

Here's our official ranking of all the jokes Seth Meyers fired off during the Emmys opening:

NEWS: The best and worst moments at the 2014 Emmys

17. "NBC also decided to hold the Emmys a month early in August to avoid conflicting with Sunday Night Football, which is keeping with the actor's tradition with running away from jocks."

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16. "I would like to take a moment to congratulate the writers in the room tonight, but their seats are too far away for them to hear me.

Seth Meyers Emmys GIFs 16 NBC

15. "HBO is like the kid you grew up with who ended up doing way better than you expected. 99 nominations? When I first met HBO, all he had was Grease 2 and Fraggle Rock."

Seth Meyers Emmys GIFs 15 NBC

14. "We're doing this show on Monday in part because MTV aired the Video Music Awards last night. That's right, MTV still has an award show for music videos, even though they no longer show music videos. That's like network TV holding an awards show and giving all the trophies to cable and Netflix."

Seth Meyers Emmys GIFs 14 NBC

13. "When I got in touch with them and asked if they liked to help me out with my monologue tonight, they both jumped at the chance to text back: "new phone. Who dis?'"

Seth Meyers Emmys GIFs 13 NBC

12. (Comparing the Emmys to the Golden Globes): "Here everyone sits silently in one place and just waits for the pills to kick in. Tonight, we are all Crazy Eyes."

Seth Meyers Emmys GIFs 12 NBC

11. "This year, we're doing the Emmys on a Monday night in August, which if I understand television, means the Emmys are about to get canceled."

Seth Meyers Emmys GIFs 11 NBC

10. "I just want to remind everyone even if you don't win this evening, your agent still wants you to know that you're crushing it right now. Just killing it, buddy. So great."

Seth Meyers Emmys GIFs 10 NBC

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9. "This will also be the final season like Glee, Two and a Half Men and Sons of Anarchy as well as almost every new show to premiere this fall."

Seth Meyers Emmys GIFs 9 NBC

8. "Congratulations to Game of Thrones, nominated for 19 Emmys including Best Drama Series, Best Supporting Actor and Worst Job Security. If you're an actor on Game of Thrones, I imagine you wait for next week's script the way most people wait for biopsy results."

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7. "Television has always been the booty call friend of entertainment. You don't ever have to ask TV, 'you up?' TV is always up. She'll happily entertain you while you cook dinner or wrap your Christmas presents. She's not like that high-maintenance diva movies, who expect you to put on pants and drive all the way over to her house and buy $40 worth of soda."

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6. "The most DVR'd show of the season was The Blacklist, Game of Thrones was the most pirated show, and Duck Dynasty was the most VCR-taped."

Seth Meyers Emmys GIFs 6 NBC

5. "We have comedies that make you laugh and comedies that make you cry because they were dramas submitted as comedies."

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4. "And no one is happier to see streaming services take nominations away from cable than network television. Not very nice when someone younger comes along is it, cable? Cable is looking at Netflix the way Justin Bieber looks at One Direction. Through a cloud of marijuana smoke."

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3. "This year we saw a lot of series finales for popular shows including Breaking Bad, Dexter and How I Met Your Mother. And if you had asked me which of the shows would have the saddest ending, I would not have picked the one about the nice man telling a story to his children. That's right kids, Jesse Pinkman lived, Dexter lived, but your mother didn't make it. Sleep tight."

Seth Meyers Emmys GIFs 3 NBC

2. "HBO has 99 nominations tonight, the most of any network. Not to be outdone, NBC is also a network."

Seth Meyers Emmys GIFs 2 NBC

1. "Shows like Game of Thrones, The Good Wife and Fargo have the right idea. When your show starts getting critical acclaim and attention, kill off all the main characters, otherwise before you know it, you're paying Sheldon a million dollars an episode."

Seth Meyers Emmys GIFs 1 NBC

What did you guys think of Seth as an Emmys host?

PHOTOS: 2014 Emmys: The Winners!

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