When we were in high school, cell phones did exist, but A) very few students had their own; and B) they were the types of phones that did two things: make calls and play a badass game called Snake. That's it. No one was texting. No one was taking photos between classes at their locker. Facebook and Instagram and Vine were all years and years away.
And while we are now addicted to our iPhones and having the entire world in the palm of our hand, we are so, so damn grateful that we got through high school without that technology. Having a cell phone in high school seems like a terrible burden.
1. Your awkward teenage years are always in danger of being shown to the entire world.
Did the cute girl turn you down in front of everyone? Imagine if, instead of just the usual hallway gossip recapping the humiliating moment, someone recorded the scene and uploaded it to Vine and YouTube under the title "Epic Date Rejection LOL!" for everyone to see. And suddenly the video goes viral and websites (like ours!) are picking it up. Suddenly, millions of people know that 15-year-old Jack from Schererville, Ind. got brutally rebuffed by Emily outside of algebra class. Ugh. We would climb under our beds and never come out.
2. Distractions to the point of failure.
We would never, ever pay attention in class. It was hard enough when we were in high school to listen to our teachers without staring out the window or doodling in our notebooks. Imagine if we had the entire Internet at our disposal? We'd fail every class because we spent the entire period in a Wikipedia black hole because we needed to know everything about Michael Fassbenders dating history. Seriously, we're grown-ass humans and we can't even pay attention now in important business meetings because we're playing Candy Crush (yes, still).
3. The lost art of note-writing
If our crush smiled at us between classes, we would spend an entire hour writing down every detail in a note in four different colors of Gelly Roll pens, which would then be folded up into an intricate origami creation to be passed to our best friend during study hall. We still have multiple shoe boxes full of notes from our high school days. Now, it probably goes like this:
You: ZOMG Brian smiled at me 2day!!!!
Friend: YASSS……Amaze. IM me later
You: For sure. Dying.
Friend: [heart emoji] [smiley face emoji] [random dancing girl emoji]
4. Technology would have made us lazy and more dumber-er.
Everyone relies on Google way too much. In school, if a fact wasn't in our brain already, we had to seek out the answer in a…wait for it…actual book. The very act of seeking out information instead of just Googling it and reading it aloud to prove a point led to a higher probability of retaining knowledge. That's a fact. Maybe. Hold on, let us Google "best learning techniques."
Can you imagine the crowd of kids who thought way too highly of themselves in high school armed with iPhones? You would be bombarded with so many selfies and self-important updates on every single social media account that you would start begging your parents to just home school you.
6. Flirting and dating would be a million times more terrifying
No one knows how in the hell to talk to anyone in high school, especially to people you like-like. Phone calls to houses, notes and being brave enough to talk to them in the hallways was the only way to court someone. Now you have texting, which is terrible in the dating world even as an adult. And then you add Facebook and Instagram and IM and...oof. We're exhausted for the children. How do you kids even handle flirting over the Internet when you're an awkward-as-hell teenager?! And then there's a chance that someone could screengrab your terrible text-flirting and post it on Twitter for everyone to see. And with that in mind…
7. No more courting
Like we said, back in the day it took real effort to try and get in good with the person you had a crush on. You had to ask for their home phone number or just talk to them face to face. Kids have it so easy these days. Facebook message them or send them a Snap Chat or get your best friend to ask her best friend for her Gchat name so you can IM her later. Where's the effort?! Where's the magic of calling her house and asking Tiffany's mom if she can come to the phone?!
8. Cell phone cameras mean no more yearbook mystery
Not to get all cheesy on you guys, but there was always something special about waiting for the yearbook to come out to see all the photos. Reliving the dances and sporting events and musicals through those pages with your friends was just damn magical. Kids today probably don't experience that anymore because everyone is taking cell phone photos from every angle at every second, so there's no surprises left. Plus, getting signatures! Do people do that anymore?! Remember, Instagram photos can be deleted or forgotten, but a yearbook with hand-written messages from your buddies are forever. LYLAS!
Fine. Here are a couple reasons we guess having cell phones in high school would be not terrible:
1. Acne? No problem. There's an Instagram filter for that. You can basically photoshop your awkward years to look less terrible and more CW show-worthy.
2. Warning friends about pop quizzes, teachers in terrible moods or a principal who is going to search lockers would be a breeze. Just send them a text.
3. Having all those means of communications during an emergency and potentially life-threatening situation is definitely for the better.
Basically, we are so grateful cell phones were not a thing when we were in high school. We barely survived without the added ordeal of technology. #Blessed