LIKE A SAVIOR: Madonna defending the mock-crucifixion she staged at the end of each concert during her $193.7 million-grossing Confessions tour, saying she struck the pose "to encourage mankind to help one another and to see the world as a unified whole. I believe in my heart that if Jesus were alive today he would be doing the same thing." Minus the cone-shaped bra, of course.
O'JACKSON: Michael Jackson's rep dismissing Irish tabloid reports saying that the singer is planning to open a leprechaun-themed amusement park in Ireland as "erroneous and ridiculous." She also warned media to doublecheck with her office before repeating any news about Jackson that originated in Ireland, "because most of the information reported thus far has been inaccurate." Okay, then we won't ask about the eight tons of Lucky Charms that have gone missing.
DIAMOND TOO ROUGH?: L.A. City Attorney's Office charging Lou Diamond Phillips with one misdemeanor count of domestic battery stemming from an Aug. 11 fight with his live-in girlfriend, during which she locked herself in the bathroom and called 911. The actor was then taken into custody and released later that morning on his own recognizance, but not until authorities had made him watch several episodes of Wolf Lake.
IDOL READING: Carrie Underwood becoming poster girl for "Read Ya'll," Oklahoma's statewide literacy campaign. The project is funded in part by the American Idol winner's hometown library system and is fully endorsed by at least two of the three Idol judges.
BANGKOK DANGEROUS, INDEED: Production halting on Nicolas Cage's gangster thriller Bangkok Dangerous, after Thailand's military coup threatened the safety of the film's Bangkok set, according to the Chinese news site Sina.com. Cage has since flown back to the U.S. on a private plane. Does no one respect the arts anymore?
STILL NO ANSWERS: Bahamian authorities issuing a death certificate for Anna Nicole Smith's son Daniel, despite not yet determining his cause of death. The official cause is still pending the results of two separate toxicology tests.
THE LOVELY BONES: Oprah Winfrey, Donald Trump, John Travolta, Mariah Carey and Jake Gyllenhaal among the 40 celebrities who've autographed wooden dog bones for auction at the Mississippi Animal Rescue League's second annual Fur Ball. Hollywood is officially going to the dogs.
THORNY SITUATION: Art broker Acquire d'Arte filing $1.15 million lawsuit against Axl Rose, claiming the rocker backed out of a deal to pay $2.36 million for an Andy Warhol portrait of John Lennon, even after the piece's asking price was lowered. Rose reneging on a promise? That's never happened before.
DANCING QUEEN DETHRONED: Former Miss USA, Shanna Moakler, getting the boot on Dancing With the Stars Wednesday. Somewhere, Travis Barker is smiling.
MODEL LOSER: Nineteen-year-old Christian becoming the first wannabe catwalker to get thrown off the runway during America's Next Top Model's season premiere.
FACE THE MUSIC: Mario Etheridge, the man authorities claim fatally shot rapper Proof during a nightclub shootout last April, convicted Wednesday on charges of carrying a concealed weapon and discharging a firearm inside a building. Sentencing is scheduled for Oct. 17.
MAY THE SCHWARTZ BE WITH THEM: Mel Brooks repurposing yet another of his old movies, developing Spaceballs: The Animated Series for the cable network G4. The first 13 episodes kick off in fall 2007.
GETTING BY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM HIS FRIENDS: Matt LeBlanc ordered to pay $15,000 a month in child support to his soon-to-be ex-wife, Melissa, who is forgoing spousal support in lieu of a cash payment predetermined by the couple's prenuptial agreement. Who says having Friends with money is awkward?
STONED: The Rolling Stones kicking off the second U.S. leg of their much-delayed A Bigger Bang tour, to a crowd of more than 40,000 in Foxborough, Massachusetts, Wednesday night. Keith Richards, meanwhile, continuing to gather moss.
YOU'RE HIRED!: Jim Carrey signing on with Creative Artists Agency, just a week after his decampment from longtime reps, United Talent Agency, resulted in frenzied attempts to sign the veteran funnyman. That's what we call a series of fortunate events.
RENAISSANCE MAN: Kevin Federline continuing to line up potential fallback careers, on the off chance the rapping thing doesn't pan out. K-Fed starts appearing in print ads as the face of Five Star Vintage clothing next month.
GOOD THINGS COME FOR THREE: Oscar-winning rappers Three 6 Mafia set to star in a reality comedy series for MTV called Adventures in Hollyhood. The show follows the group as they make their way from Memphis to Los Angeles and hits the airwaves next year. They'd better start crafting their Emmy acceptance speech.
JUNGLE FEVER: Disney hoping to recreate the billion-dollar success of Pirates of the Caribbean by turning another of its water theme park rides, Jungle Cruise, into a movie. Fine, but if It's A Small World is anywhere near development, our loyalty switches to Six Flags.
MATERIAL WORLD: Madonna wrapping up her worldwide Confessions tour in Tokyo today, as the top-grossing tour ever by a female artist, having squeezed $193.7 million out of 60 shows. Who knew controversy was so lucrative? Oh, right. Madonna.
THE BOYS ARE BACK: HBO renewing Entourage for a fourth, 12-episode season. The final eight episodes of the series' interrupted third season air early next year.
FAKE NEWS FLASH: Seth Meyers officially tapped as successor to Tina Fey's fake news throne on Saturday Night Live. He'll coanchor Weekend Update alongside Amy Poehler when the 32nd season kicks off sans a few familiar faces Sept. 30.
MOVE-IN DAY: Wisteria Lane is getting crowded. Kathleen York, who was nominated for an Oscar for singing the title track to Crash, and Matt Roth, who, having starred in View from the Top, is decidedly not an Oscar nominee, join the cast of Desperate Housewives as recurring characters, when the third season kicks off Sunday.
MO MOBOS, MO PROBLEMS: Beyoncé picking up three trophies at U.K.'s MOBO (Music of Black Origin) Awards, including Best International Female, Best Song and Best Video for "Deja Vu." Kanye West's loss made doubly disappointing by his not being able to place blame on someone at the award show for hating black people.
SHUTTERBUGGED: Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake filing a police report Tuesday, accusing a paparazzo of attempting to run Diaz over after she and Timberlake chased him back to his car. The X17 photo agency denying the couple's version of events and claiming its photographer is in the process of filing a complaint against the stars. Wait...this all sounds so familiar.