Alternately titled, So You Want to Unfollow Yourself.
Last week was a devastating week for anyone who loved following the Jonas Brothers or who spent all their time @replying Damon Lindelof to tell him how much the end of Lost sucked. Both decided to delete their Twitter accounts.
(Side note: You should find better uses for your time than hating on Damon Lindelof.)
Both the JoBros and Lindelof left Twitter quietly, choosing not to discuss the reasons why they left social media. Which got us thinking: What are the different ways one could delete his or her Twitter account? And when should you use each?
Ranked, from least dramatic to most dramatic:
Don't Do It: Don't delete your Twitter account. No one is pressuring you to tweet every day. If you want to take a break, take a lil breakski. But leave your account be while you do so. If you are worried people will miss the livetweeting of your day-to-day life in your absence, get over yourself. Or should we say #getoveryourself #noonecares
When should you go this route: If you think you might ever return to Twitter. There is nothing worse than someone making a big deal about leaving Twitter, then returning a few weeks later.
Get Ghosting: Known by a slew of other terms, "ghosting" means to leave quietly without saying goodbye. Or, in this case, deleting Twitter without any fanfare. Don't tell anyone you're going to do it, don't tell anyone you did it, if they ask, tell them, but don't make it a big deal.
When should you go this route: If you don't want to be dramatic. There's no hard feelings, you just don't want to be part of the Twittersphere anymore.
Being Run Out of Town: Leave because there's no way you're staying. Maybe Justin Bieber flirted with you and now you're receiving threats. Maybe you tweeted something you can't untweet and now you're receiving threats. Either way, you better get the eff out. Delete your account and everyone will understand why, no explanation needed.
When should you go this route: If you have no other choice.
Keep It Confidential: This is the way that the JoBros and Lindelof went: It's a variation on ghosting, where you leave without warning, but the difference is that afterwards, you will not reveal why you left. It suggests that there is a secret (read: possibly scandalous) reason that you left (i.e. your band may or may not be breaking up).
When should you go this route: If you want to be dramatic. People will speculate on why you left, and usually speculation is far more tawdry than reality. Nothing makes people talk more than when you won't.
Burn It Down: Leave and let everyone know. In a multi-tweet rant, explain why you are deleting your account and why you most definitely will not be returning. Unfollow every single person you follow. Delete all of your tweets individually. Go out in a ball of fire.
When should you go this route: If you don't want to ever have friends again.