Flash. Bang. Wow. It's Lindsay Lohan's birthday.
The birthday girl and former Fornarina spokeswoman turns 27-years-old today and she's not gonna let a little thing like a locked rehab center get in the way of having the happiest B-day ever.
"Reading your #happybdaylilo tweets. These are awesome!" @LindsayLohan tweeted this afternoon (you get Twitter privileges in rehab?! No. Though the tweets appear to be from Lindsay, sources tell us Team Lohan was manning the account). "Thank you guys. Happy bday July babies!"
Here is what we were able to gather about how she'll celebrate the big day:
1. First of All, It Is Her Birthday: And she's not afraid to remind you.
(This tweet has since been deleted. She never did get that HuffPost B-day wish.)
2. The Festivities Will Be en Ingles: When a fan tweeted at Lindsay in Portuguese, the star of Mean Girls and NOT Las Chicas Malas (or, at least, the team masquerading as the star) replied:
"wish I knew spanish. I assume this is something sweet."
You know what they say about assuming, though this time it really only made an ass out of one person: The message said that Lindsay would live longer if she stopped doing drugs, which the girl later explained in a subtweet (after deleting her original tweet, claiming that she never thought Lindsay would see it).
3. There Will Be No Haters Welcome: Earlier in the day, Lindsay's people had tweeted, "Happy Birthday Lindsay! Team Lohan" To which one catty tweeter quickly snarked, "Did you just tweet yourself that? F--ktard!" "Linds" cooly quipped back:
"no my digital team, but nice catch genius."
4. Orphans Are Welcome Though: The account @Orphanage tweeted Lindsay, saying, "our children wishes you happy birthday, hope you have a good one." "Lindsay" replied:
"give them hugs for me!"
The more orphans the merrier at a Lohan party!
5. She's OK Sharing Her Birthday: Lindsay isn't one of those birthday girls who needs all the attention on her. If your bithday is July 2, she'll gladly wish you a happy birthday right back. @LindsayLohan responded to, "IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TOO GIRL!!! LOVE YOU!!!" with:
"Happy bday - have the best day ever!"
6. Because Her Birthday Is More Important: Lindsay doesn't care if you were born on July 2, because her birthday lasts all week. One tweeter @replied her, saying, "Today should be a national holiday because its @lindsaylohan's birthday. #truth #happybirthdaylindsay" The response was:
"well you're in luck - you have thursday off."
This Thursday, July 4, is the day we nationally celebrate Lindsay Lohan's birthday (and nothing else). Kind of like how you have one birthday party for your family and one party with your friends. Make sure you thank LiLo for being born and getting you the day off work!
7. So Make Sure You Let Everyone Know: It is LINDSAY LOHAN'S BIRTHDAY, people. So stop trending stupid stuff like "#IfMyMomHadATwitter" (no one cares unless your mom is Dina Lohan!). A fan wrote Lindsay to say "HappyBdayLilo" and "Lindsay" replied:
"make it trend worldwide"
And if you don't, why did she even bother having a birthday this year?!
Bonus: Even Lindsay knows how terrible I Know Who Killed Me was. A fan tweeted Linds to say that she'd watch the movie twice (two times!) in one night. To which the LiLo account tweeted back, "two times too many!" Maybe she's more self-aware than you thought...