BATTLE OF THE BANDS II: It's official, says a Penn State University professor: The Rolling Stones really are the world's greatest rock'n'roll band ever. (Take that, Elton.) The philosophy instructor crunched the numbers--ruling that the quality of a group was inversely proportional to its pretentiousness. Using this scale, the Stones rated best. The Ramones and Nirvana also scored well. The Beatles? The Fab Four started slipping with Rubber Soul, the professor says.
CURTAIN UP: Restless Billy Joel--ditching pop for classical--may be shifting gears again, this time to show tunes. According to a published report Tuesday, Joel's greatest hits will be featured in Piano Man: The Musical, to hit Broadway next year. If that gig clicks, Joel would reportedly pen a second show with all-original music.
RATINGS RACE: NBC was the top-rated network for the week ended October 5. The peacock network had seven shows in the top 10, including ER at No. 1. CBS and ABC tied for second. For all the industry stats, see By The Numbers.
JENNY WATCH: Jenny McCarthy's cable appeal still isn't translating to network TV. The ex-MTV maven's NBC sitcom ran fourth in its time slot again on Sunday night--its ratings even worse than its first anemic outing. ABC's revived Wonderful World of Disney, meanwhile, stayed hot. And CBS' Touched by an Angel continued as the hottest of them all on Sunday nights.
SICK WILLY: A whale of a dispute between the owners of the massive mammal star of Free Willy and the aquarium where the blubbery fella lives. Oregon state officials are investigating charges from both sides that the 9,600-pound starlet isn't being properly cared for.
ROCK THE CRADLE: Heather Locklear, who gave birth to her first child Saturday, likely will return to her Melrose Place residence in January. Until then, she's just Mommy. The 36-year-old actress and rocker hubby Richie Sambora, 38, are new parents to daughter Ava Elizabeth.
BABY BOOM II: Talk-show host Leeza Gibbons is a mom again. The perky TV type and husband, Stephen Meadows, welcomed son National Daniel Meadows into the big world on Friday, it's been reported.
STAND-UP GUY: Another wedding for Michael Jackson. This time the King of Pop was merely the best man. The ceremony, for a TV newswoman and millionaire hotel executive, took place Tuesday in South Africa.
MR. SENSITIVE: Fox mogul Rupert Murdoch says he has no regrets that his London tabloids bought paparazzi pictures of Princess Diana during her life--only that his papers paid too much. The remarks came Tuesday at the annual meeting of Murdoch's News Corp.
OFF THE RACK: If you're shopping for a copy of Andrew Morton's controversial reissue of his Diana biography, don't go to Harrod's. The famed London department store--owned by the father of Dodi Fayed, who died alongside Diana in that Paris auto crash--isn't stocking the tome. ... Meanwhile, word comes that a veteran movie producer is readying a big-screen version of Diana: Her True Story.
TAKING THE HEAT: CBS News, still smarting about getting beat bad by its rivals the night of Diana's death, is overhauling its hard news coverage. Lane Vernardos, the guy who oversaw that division, will now work in special events, where he'll do all sorts of, well, special things.
DIET QUEEN: Sarah Ferguson, who wasn't really any good at being a royal, may have found her true calling: Weight Watchers says its enrollments are up 50 to 100 percent since Fergie started pitching their diet program.
CHANNEL SHARE: CNN is talking to CBS about a loan-out program involving anchor Dan Rather. CNN's news president terms the conversations "preliminary."
JANET'S PLANET: Janet Jackson was to be in New York Tuesday, doing a meet-and-greet with fans at a record store there. What prompted this sudden urge to bond? Jackon's first new album in four years, The Velvet Rope, was being released.
CONAN THE MUSIC LOVER: Also new in the record bins today, Live from 6A, a collection of live musical performances culled from Conan O' Brien's late-night NBC show. Among the featured warblers: David Bowie and Matthew Sweet.
NEW SPICE: The Spice Girls unveiled their new album, Spice World, in Spain Monday night. "We've grown up and it shows," says the one they call Sporty Spice.
I, FILMMAKER: Actress Sandra Bullock's first effort as a writer/director--the short film Making Sandwiches--is scheduled to premiere next month in Los Angeles at a two-day festival honoring women filmmakers. Bullock appears in her flick with A Time to Kill co-star Matthew McConaughey.
COOL, MAN: Bob Marley, the late reggae superstar, has been named the first inductee into the Cannabis Hall of Fame. The honor was awarded by High Times magazine.
HOT ROCK: Comedian Chris Rock is on a roll. A month after he picked up two Emmys for his HBO series, the 31-year-old ex-Saturday Night Live co-star has sealed a deal to appear in Lethal Weapon IV. He'll romance Danny Glover's big-screen daughter. For all the casting news, see The Dotted Line.
INTO THIN AIR: HBO has dropped out of the race to bring last year's deadly Mount Everest misadventure to film. That leaves an open field for Universal Pictures, which is due to start shooting Everest, in early 1998.
GREAT WHITE NORTH: Disney christened its new Canadian animation studio Monday--the Magic Kingdom's first 'toon outpost located outside the United States.
CLASSIC GREEK: Clear your calendar: Disney's Hercules will be released on home video on February 3. The flick's transition from theaters to VCRs should be the fastest-ever for a Disney animated movie.
STRANGE BREW: The co-worker who was offended by her Miller Brewing Co. colleague's retelling of a Seinfeld episode (the one about the date whose name rhymes with a female body part), and helped get the guy fired, won't have to pay the wronged employee $1.5 million, a judge has ruled. But the majority of the $26 million awarded to Jerold Mackenzie will stand.
TERMINATED: The movie producer whose company was responsible for the Rambo movies and Terminator 2: Judgment Day has been found innocent of two counts of federal income tax fraud. Peter Hoffman, ex-chief executive of the now-defunct Carolco Pictures, still faces charges that he signed and filed a false tax return for 1989.