Rick Rowell/ABCAfter one of probably the best Dancing With the Stars premieres in 15 seasons, the All-Stars have all agreed that there is some "stiff" (seriously, they almost all said that exact word) competition.
But as we all know by now, it's not always all about the dancing.
What was up with Kirstie Alley's surprise lip-lock with Tom Bergeron? Are Kelly Monaco and Val Chmerkovskiy heatin' up off the dance floor? And what is Bristol Palin doing to get that fantastic bod?
All of those answers are right here for you. (You're welcome.)
Alley is clearly one of the most loved All-Stars on the show (did you hear all those cheers?), but we're not sure if its her dancing skills or her crazy personality that got her there, and she only proved that point tonight when she shockingly planted a fat kiss on Tom's lips. And it was a long one, too!
"He won that Emmy, that's a huge accomplishment," was what she told E! News was her reasoning behind it, and well, that works for us. Maksim Chmerkovskiy added that he was "grabbing his [Bergeron] ass" the whole time. Interesting. But Maks isn't going to focus on Tom's behind going further.
"I'm gonna pay attention to her carriage and make sure it stays lifted," he said of his partner.
The chemistry between Kelly and Val was ridiculous, in a good way. Seriously, we're banking that this is going to be this season's partners-turned-lovers duo. That is, if Kelly can give Val what he likes.
"He is an ass man, so I'm struggling here," she told us, but also added, "He'll cop a feel whenever he can get one." Taking advantage of his power—slick.
The more confident and "experimental" (Mark Ballas' word choice) Bristol, who looked amazing tonight, shared her secret to getting into such great shape.
"I'm just working out a lot more, staying more active, cuttin' out the crap in my diet and I feel a lot better. And my yoga."
So, exercise and eating healthy? Huh, who would've thought?
—Reporting by Will Marfuggi