Breath mints are severely underrated.
Consider that a valuable lesson we learned from TLC's breakout hit Here Comes Honey Boo. (Who says this show isn't educational?!)
In tonight's episode ("Time For Sketti!"), Alana Thompson and her family out-rednecked even our redneckiest expectations of them by playing a game called "Guess Who's Breath," and yes, it's exactly what you think it is. Of course, it wasn't all bad breath and games this ep—Alana also went on a fun playdate with her father, Sugar Bear.
The Grossest Game Ever: Everyone is bored, so Alana suggests they play a game. The rules? You put on a blindfold, everyone breathes in your face, and you to try to guess whose breath it is. No, we're not kidding. And no, we're not going to give you a play-by-play of the game, you sickos. We will tell you though that the game comes to a halt when Anna pees herself, earning the new nicknames "Pissy Pants" and "Wet Wet." Oh, and for those keeping score at home, Jessica won. Sadly, America lost.
When Life Hands You Lemons: Alana wants to raise money for her upcoming pageant, so like an entrepreneurial kid, she decides to open a lemonade stand. Sadly, business isn't exactly booming at first. Maybe because Pumpkin yells, "I'mma bust ya damn windows out" at some of the passing cars. The family starts selling some lemonade after Alana takes over poster-holding duties and they make $25.
Secret Family Recipe: The episode title comes from June cooking the family dinner, aka "ketchup-butter mix," for their "sketti." June brags that she feeds her family for about $80 a week. "Ketchup and butter is my favorite thing because it's just really good," Pumpkin explains.
Father-Daughter Bonding: We usually see Alana with her mother, so it was a nice change of pace to see some alone time for Sugar Bear and his daughter. "The girls [are] growing up too fast and they just need to slow down a bit so I can spend time with them," Sugar Bear says.
The duo hits the Fun Factory, where they play games and go roller-skating. Of course, they end up spending more time on their butts than actually skating, but they still have a blast. "My favorite part of spending the day alone with Alana is I actually got to see her play, have fun, and she had a big smile on her face," Sugar Bear gushes.
"'Cause there's no shoes on." —Convenience store manager Donta, on why he calls Pumpkin "Bamm-Bamm"
"I think the store would go out of business if they didn't come here everyday." —Convenience store worker, on the Thompson family
"I hope they have a ball pit. I love playing in the ball pit." —Sugar Bear, on the way to Fun Factory
"I'm a chalk miner's daughter and I'm my daddy's princess." —Alana
"Kaitlyn's coming out of Anna's moon pie any day now!" —Alana, on Chickadee's pregnancy
"A woman will ew on herself before she has a baby." —June, on the beauty of pregnancy
"I'll be honest with you. I don't brush my teeth but on special occasions." —Pumpkin, proving why she's our least favorite
"How do you spell lemonade?" —Pumpkin, see sentiment in line above