Cruel, cruel fakeout, Gossip Girl.
Turns out, G.G.'s mother of a twist from last week was all a lie! Elizabeth Hurley's Diana Payne isn't Chuck's (Ed Westwick) birth mother, y'all! So then who is? Well...it's complicated. Also complicated? The Van der Woodsen's family lineage, thanks to William's (Billy Baldwin) cheating ways.
It's All in the Family: Offscreen, the judge revoked Cece's will, meaning Ivy (Kaylee Defer) has lost all the money, thanks to testimony from a nurse saying the fake Charlie took advantage of her. After being questioned about her rocky marriage by reporters, Lily decides to throw a family dinner and invites a member of the press to help repair the family's image. Because yeah, those events always go so well on G.G., right? Serena calls daddy Van Der Woodsen and invites him to the dinner, but he bails saying he's out of town. However, thanks to a tip sent in to Gossip Girl, Serena learns that her father is busy spending time with another blonde: her cousin Lola (Ella Rae Peck), who just happens to also be his daughter.
Yes, Serena learns she has a half-sister, thanks to the always and adorably oblivious Nate (Chace Crawford), from whom Lola seeks comfort/counsel after learning the truth. Serena goes to her mother with the news and agrees to keep quiet about the family bombshell until after the all-important dinner. Lily, however, decides to partner with Ivy in order to make sure her husband-stealin' sister ends up with nothing. Way harsh, Tai!
Wait, it gets harsher! Lily reports her sister to the police for fraud and Ivy, since she gave her statement, gets off scot-free. Lily, youz a b-tch...and we love it. (What we don't love is you treating Rufus like your pet.) So how did all of this baby-addy drama end? William is planning on screwing over Lily, while Lola may just be on her way to being the next Gossip Girl after Serena brutally rebuffs her offer of teaming up against their parents. Yes, this all really happened.
Sleeping With the Enemy: After learning last week that Diana is Chuck's mother, Nate is feeling a little conflicted about working with her. Turns out he's not really the "sleep with your best friend's mother" kind of a guy. Nate wants to find some funding to buy Diana out of the Spectator for good and decides the best way to go about it is by seducing her investor. Guess who her investor turns out to be? You'll never guess...Jack Bass (Desmond Harrington)!
After sleeping with Diana to hide the fact that he was snooping around in her room, Nate steals Diana's planner and contacts Elizabeth, who reveals to Nate that she is Chuck's mother and has the picture to prove it! What the picture also proves? That Jack Bass is most likely Chuck's real father. Reason No. 123 you should never get a hideous tattoo on your arm, kiddos!
Blair Is Back!: After being called lowbrow in New York Magazine because she was married for less time than Kim Kardashian (harsh, but true!), Blair is dead set on becoming despicably highbrow. Blair figures the best way to go about this is by hijacking all of the attention at a party held in Dan's honor. Obviously, this doesn't work out too well, and when confronted by Dan, Blair admits, "I don't want to live in someone else's shadow anymore." After being with Chuck and Prince Louis (Hugo Becker), Blair is sick of being behind the scenes in her relationships. "If you could only see what I see," Dan tells her sadly before walking away. Later, Blair visits the loft to talk to Dan. "I lost my true self, but I want to be found. Could you possibly help?" she asks, before Dan lists everything that's wonderful about her. Yes, it is adorable.
Georgumphrey in the Finale: Many of you have written into us asking for scoop on the alleged Dan-Georgina scene in the finale after Badgley and Michelle Trachtenberg were spotted on set. Well, we can tell you that, according to our sources, there actually is no Dan and Georgina scene in the finale. Yay or nay?
Dair in Danger: While Dan and Blair end the episode on a happy note, trouble is ahead for the new couple. As we previously reported, something will attempt to come in between Dan and Blair, and despite the Chuck and Blair-centric promo, it's not Mr. Bass. Hm...what could it be? Perhaps one person's inability to say three little words?
Serena Scoop: The blonde will pose as her BFF Blair in an upcoming episode when B is unable to make a meeting as she has somewhere else to be. Also on the horizon for S? A new love interest...or two!
What did you think of tonight's episode? Do you think Jack is Chuck's real father? Sound off in the comments!