The week started with a bang (unfortunately, it was a head hitting the floor) and ended with a pop (of the champagne celebrating the engagement of the year).
So, our bases were covered. Read on to catch up on everything important from the seven days just passed—as well as some of the little things you may have missed.
BODY POLITIC: Miley Cyrus slams talk of her having anorexia, attributing her slender (sometimes braless) figure to a strict, gluten-free diet, and goes to bat for full-faced Ashley Judd. All in all, it wasn't a good week for Lady Gaga to tweet "#PopSingersDon'tEat."
CIRCLE K: Lamar Odom left the Dallas Mavericks for good...Khloé Kardashian Odom talked moving back to L.A. on the Tonight Show and played whack-a-headline, taking on a miscarriage rumor and the "crazy love" between Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, while guest-hosting The Talk...Kourtney Kardashian Kris and Bruce Jenner weighed in on the Kim-&-Kanye possibility, as did Kourtney Kardashian...President Obama is a fan, but he stands by his previous opinion that Kanye's a "jackass."
DANCING WITH THE ER STARS: During an already pretty dramatic night on Dancing With the Stars, Melissa Gilbert hit her head during the paso doble and needed a trip to the ER before the show was over. She was diagnosed with a mild concussion and sat out Tuesday's results show. That, combined with Maks' mid-dance fall, Maria Menounos' broken feet and Sherri Shepherd's emotional ouster, made for a standout week. At least Sherri has time to rest her foot now.
IDOL EYE-OPENER: America surprisingly voted the fewest times for judges' darling Jessica Sanchez, but before she could even finish her last-ditch song, Jennifer Lopez was running onstage to grab the microphone and reveal they had no intention of letting her leave. Kris Allen's favorite, Joshua Ledet, was also in the bottom three, but ultimately safe. And now, two people have to leave next week, no ifs, ands or buts.
NEVERMIND: Frances Bean and Dave Grohl had to fire back when Courtney Love accused the Foo Fighters frontman of hitting on her daughter because he's obsessed with Kurt Cobain. Frances recommended that Twitter ban her mother.
X MARKS THE $POT: Britney Spears will make $15 million for being a judge on The X Factor.
FINE ARTS: Kate Middleton is rumored to be giving a specially commissioned portrait of herself to Prince William for his 30th birthday.
SHORN!: Anne Hathaway chopped all her hair off, presumably for Les Miserables (her character is forced to sell her hair for a few francs).
CASE CLOSED: Beverly Hills police close their investigation into Whitney Houston's death, confirming the coroner's conclusion that it was an accidental drowning and no charges are being filed, and release a Beverly Hilton staffer's 911 call from the night she died. Meanwhile, Newark taxpayers are fired up over the cost of Houston's funeral.
ROMANTIC ENTANGLEMENTS: Lily Halpern says One Direction's Harry Styles is a "very good friend"...Emma Roberts and Chord Overstreet are dating again...When it comes to Dianna Agron, Tim Tebow and Taylor Swift, no one is dating anybody...Morgan Freeman denies that he's engaged to or otherwise involved with his step-granddaughter...Jenelle Evans made a kiss-off video for ex Gary Head.
WEDDING BELLS: Teen Mom 2's Leah Messer swapped vows with Jeremy Calvert, the 19-year-old's second marriage...Chris Noth tied the knot with longtime ladyfriend and baby mama Tara Wilson...Ricki Lake tied the knot with Christian Evans...Jake Owen popped the question to girlfriend Lacey Buchanan onstage.
UNHITCHED: Marc Anthony filed for divorce from Jennifer Lopez...Seal filed his response to Heidi Klum's divorce petition...Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels are headed back to court...Petra Nemcova and Jamie Belman end engagement.
BABY BOOM: Tony Romo and Candice Crawford show off newborn son Hawkins...Alicia Silverstone defends her baby-feeding methods...Mindy McCready welcomed her second child, son Zayne...NCIS' Michael Weatherly and wife Bojana Jankovic welcomed daughter Olivia...Kristen Olson and Rob McElhenney show off son Leo Grey.
PAGEANTS FOR ALL: The Miss Universe Organization will now allow transgender contestants—starting with Miss Universe Canada hopeful Jenna Talackova—to compete.
TV LAND: Glee scoop for the weeks ahead...Matt Groening reveals he was thinking of Springfield, Ore., when he plopped The Simpsons in "Springfield," though later he said that the four-fingered family doesn't actually live there...Check out Darren Criss animated for The Cleveland Show...Kristen Wiig talks impending exit from Saturday Night Live.
RECAPVILLE: Catch up on this week's episodes of Grey's Anatomy, American Idol performance night, Glee, The Voice eliminations, The Voice performances, Gossip Girl, Game of Thrones, Mad Men, Celebrity Apprentice, Khloé & Lamar and Saturday Night Live.
SCREEN PLAY: The Hunger Games' director Gary Ross won't be helming Catching Fire...Titanic 3D ran into a $300 million iceberg called The Hunger Games...Kate Winslet's topless scene is being edited out of Titanic 3D in China...Emma Watson is shooting Bling Ring...The Maccabees may not happen now that Joe Eszterhas has accused Mel Gibson of sounding as anti-Semitic as ever...The Casual Vacancy isn't a movie yet, but it's J.K. Rowling's next book, so, what do you think?...Get our reviews of Cabin in the Woods, The Three Stooges and Lockout.
MUSICAL NOTES: Check out Maroon 5's Overexposed album cover...Demi Lovato almost took out Paul McCartney with her car...Axl Rose says no to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, which still plans to induct the now Slash-fronted Guns N' Roses this year...Johnny Depp joined Marilyn Manson onstage at the 2012 Revolver Golden God Awards...Black Sabbath, Black Keys headlining Lollapalooza...The Talk clucked at Katy Perry for saying she's tired of being famous...Usher's the latest live death hoax victim...Blur will call it quits after London Olympics.
LAW & DISORDER: Manager's lawsuit over unpaid commissions reveals Paul D's Jersey Shore salary to be $150,000 per episode...Alec Baldwin secures a restraining order against Canadian woman...Clint Eastwood sues a furniture company...Judge tosses Tareq Salahi's $50 million lawsuit against soon-to-be ex-wife Michaele and Journey's Neal Schon...Former Miss USA Rima Fakih pleads no contest to driving while visibly impaired...Randy Travis sued by his ex-wife...One Direction sued by California band with the same name...Sylvester Stallone sues his former contractor...Chris Daughtry sued by former bandmates.
FAREWELL: TV news legend Mike Wallace, most famously of 60 Minutes, died at 93.
FASHION FRENZY: Kris Humphries' sister Kaela models for the Limited...Lisa Edelstein gets naked for PETA...Khloé Kardashian and Nicole Richie step out in the same shirt...Ashley Judd calls puffy-face controversy misogynistic.
SEEN: Hayden Panettiere and beau Scotty McKnight enjoying a couple's vacation in Hawaii...Kristen Stewart celebrating her 22nd birthday at Harvard and Stone with Robert Pattinson...Bikini-wearing Lea Michele sunning in Cabo San Lucas with Cory Monteith...Kristin Cavallari grabbing a green drink in West Hollywood...Jessica Biel on a shopping spree and visiting bridal boutiques in Paris...Beyoncé and Jay-Z enjoying drinks in hollowed-out fruit on the beach in St. Barts...Minka Kelly attending a Passover seder with Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams...Halle Berry and Olivier Martinez out for Easter brunch with Nahla...Reese Witherspoon and family attending church on Easter in L.A.