Warning: If you happen to be a person who plays a drinking game where you take a shot every time you see the word "nipple" in an article, please do not read any further.
Let's be real, people, we all know who the real stars of Fox's hit series New Girl are: Max Greenfield's nipples! Schmidt's nips were the topic of discussion during Fox's comedy TCA panel, when Raising Hope showrunner Greg Garcia told a hilarious story about his son pausing the show to remark, "Look at that guy's nipples. They're tiny!" Cue roaring laughter.
Obviously, there was only one thing left for us to do after that: find Greenfield on the red carpet to discuss his nipples...
Guess what, Garcia? Joke's on you: "Here's the funniest part about the whole thing," Greenfield tells us. "I knew that I was going to take my shirt off a bunch [on New Girl] so I actually had them downsized because that's comedy. If you have the smallest nipples possible, that's hilarious."
Yes, people, Greenfield altered his body in the name of comedy and success. "I just want the show to do well, so I thought size 'em down and get those kids to start laughing. And obviously it's working!" While Greenfield appreciates all the attention, he hopes kids find time to focus on their schoolwork as well, saying, "They should be reading and studying arithmetic, but instead they're looking at my nipples. Awkward!"
Wait, we weren't done talking about nipples yet! We also asked Greenfield's costar Lamorne Morris if he downsized too in the name of art. "I was born with small nipples and I'm dark, so my nipples just blend in with my skin. So it doesn't look I have nipples," Morris jokes. "I look like the black Silver Surfer—just all one even tone."
Don't worry, New Girl fans. We did manage to find some time to ask Greenfield and Morris about the show, including upcoming guest star Ryan Kwanten. Greenfield jokes that the True Blood star is "so inappropriately ugly," while Morris is convinced that "his dad is an executive."
Aside from love interests for Jess (Zooey Deschanel), Winston will finally be getting a woman in his life. "Kali Hawk plays my love interest," Morris says. "I was just tired of loving myself and it got uncomfortable...hey now, wait a minute, that's not what I meant!"
When asked to name his dream guest star, Morris says, "Beyoncé and Rihanna at the same time would be great!" Unfortunately, someone invited Debbie Downer to the party as Greenfield jokes, "When you have a child the first thing you think is get me on the set of my favorite single-camera comedy. [Beyoncé's] got to be a big New Girl fan, so I think that's definitely a possibility."
To hear more hilariousness from Greenfield and Morris, watch our interview with them above, where this discuss upcoming shirtless goodness!