BRAND NEW ON E!
Did we just meet the next owner of the house?
In tonight's episode of American Horror Story, the Harmons finally found a serious buyer for their home, and we got to hear the horrifying conclusion of the story of the original owners of the house. Plus, Larry (Denis O'Hare) dropped lots o' secrets, and we were left with a huge cliffhanger. Damn those AHS writers!
WHAT WE LEARNED
The Harmons Almost Sold That House: Close, but no cigar. Which is an ironic saying considering what Moira did with…OK, we'll stop there. Joe Escandarian (Homeland's Amir Arison), the potential buyer, was really interested in the house, especially after Moira (Alexandra Breckenridge) um, serviced him. Why did she do that? To convince him to dig up the yard to build a pool, thus unearthing her bones and presumably freeing her from that house. Constance (Jessica Lange) finds out that Joe will be knocking down the entire house and building on top of it, and since her entire family is in that house, so she is not too keen on the idea of it being bulldozed.
The relationship between Moira and Constance is one of our favorites. They hate each other, and yet…they seem to be working together an awful lot. Case in point: When Constance tells her that Joe plans on knocking down the house, entombing Moira forever, they spring into action. Together. And by action we mean Moira leading Joe down into the basement, taking a bite out of his Internet-appropriate name for penis, and having Larry suffocate him. Even Constance is impressed with how quickly and cleanly Moira gets rid of him. See kids, teamwork is important. So turns out, as serious as he was about buying that house, Joe will not be signing on the dotted line. And before you say, "But he'll be a ghost!" Larry took him out of the house in time to make sure he didn't die on the property. Because by now, we all know what happens when you die in or around that house.
Vivien is Having Twins: Oh, snap! Who else thinks that Vivien (Connie Britton) is carrying one baby that is Ben's (Dylan McDermott) and one baby that is Rubber Man's? Is one baby good and one baby evil? Will they battle it out inside her womb for baby supremacy? Well, something is definitely not normal with those twins, because when Vivien was double-clicking her mouse button (woman is stressed, we don't blame her), both her husband and Rubber Man popped into her head. And Luke the security officer (Morris Chestnut) also played a starring role in her fantasy, so we're pretty sure that storyline isn't over.
Larry Is in Love With Constance: Larry, you've been lying to us! He didn't kill his family way back when. His wife did after Larry admitted to being in love with Constance! How in love? In 1994, Constance told him to go up to the attic to smother her deformed son Beau with a pillow, and he did it, no questions asked. We also saw Beau with the red ball, which explains who Addie was playing with in the basement that one time. In present day, Larry is still hopelessly in love with Constance, but she's having none of that. Doubt we've heard the last from lovesick Larry.
Violet and Tate are the Sweetest/Weirdest Couple Ever: True, Tate (Evan Peters) was a psychopathic murderer when he was alive, but he has seemed to found some salvation in Violet (Taissa Farmiga). And she, in turn, is finding comfort with him. He made her promise to stop cutting herself, and Tate's the only one who she can open up to. Basically, as crazy as he is, Tate seems to be good for Violet. He even taught her how to accept that ghosts live in that house and how to handle them when they appear. Tate's also good for storylines, because he's the one who showed Violet the box of photos from the original owners of the house, which led to Vivien discovering that the lady who visited the house on Halloween might not be just an interested buyer. She's a g-g-ghost! Of course, that's the cliffhanger we were left with: Vivien's shocked face as she laid eyes on the photo of the Montgomerys.
The Complete Backstory on the Original Owners: Vivien and her real estate agent Marcy (Christine Estabrook), who we think totally knows the full story on the house, go on the haunted Los Angeles tour to hear the entire story about the Montgomerys. Charles (Matt Ross) did indeed bring their murdered son back to life…using the still-beating heart of a girl he performed an abortion on. Not the best idea he's ever had, because that baby is now a hissing monster who thirsts for blood. Nora (Lily Rabe) told her husband she tried to kill it, but it won't die. Great, now it's also immortal. In the end, it proved too much for the beautiful debutante, and she shot her husband in the head, and then herself. The good news here is that we'll definitely see more of Rabe and Ross, who kill their performances. No pun intended.
We didn't actually see what the creature looked like yet (or have we already?), but we know it still lives in that house. We bet our collection of kitty calendars that we'll be seeing that thing real soon.
WHAT LIES AHEAD
The Birth: Episode 10 is called "The Birth," and we're fairly certain that means that either Vivien will be delivering in that episode, or we'll finally be seeing whatever that basement creature looks like. Maybe both? Well, they're currently casting doctors and nurses for that episode, so we think we'll see Vivien deliver the twins. If it's anything like what the Breaking Dawn birth sounds like, we're definitely prepared to cringe a lot.
What's Native Americans Got to Do With It? AHS is also casting someone to play a tribal elder and a Native American woman for that episode. Maybe the house was built on an ancient Indian burial ground and that's why it has powers? Yikes, you know disturbing burial grounds like that only lead to trouble. See: Poltergeist.
Trip to the Past: We told you in last week's redux that we'll be flashing back to the childhood of a main character, and we eliminated Violet. We're going to go ahead and throw you a bone and tell you it's one of these three characters: Constance, Ben or Tate.
UPDATE: Since a lot of commenters seem to think they've figured out whose childhood we're talking about, we'll eliminate one more person: Ben.
Another twisty and deliciously awesome episode of AHS, right? What's your theory on Vivien's twins? Do you approve of Tate and Violet falling in love? Hit the comments for some serious speculation exercises.