Tonight's episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills finally reached its bling potential with an Arabian Nights party in the works, a swanky at-home spa party with top of the line treatments and gold dust sprinkled on the desserts.
But one Housewife wasn't ready to give up her domestic dreams just yet and, of course, there had to be more conflict between Kim and Kyle Richards and Brandi Glanville, even as two of them tried to bury the hatchet...
If Lisa Vanderpump gives her I'm-just-a-simple-English-girl-routine one more time, we may have to revoke her 90210 resident status. Cooking lessons for Adrienne Maloof? No wonder Chef Bernie was smirking in the background. (Somebody please give this snarky hired help his own series.)
And acting all jealous of Adrienne's over-the-top spa? "I would love to have a spray tan booth in my house," says Villa Blanca's poor little rich girl. Puh-lease. She lives right across the street in the same gated community. They probably guarantee this type of amenity in the homeowners-association contract.
Give us more of Mohamed's 60,000 square-foot mansion and his don't-speak-until-you're-spoken-to twinkie, Julia. The man wants to throw Pandora a surprise engagement party with camels, belly dancers and secret sex rooms. Bring it!
Adrienne has three fridges in her kitchen, can't find the salt and pepper and uses dish soap to wash away salmonella bacteria on her roasting chicken. Yes! That's exactly what we expect of our Bev Hills millionaires. Not modesty.
So Adrienne owns a $40,000 hydrating facial machine, among many other treatment options. We want to see more!
The alternative is watching endless negotiations where everyone tries to get Brandi to apologize for the game-night nuttiness. But she's not going there, at least with Kim:
"I don't think she's ready to have a discussion about anything to do with drugs or being inebriated that night. But she clearly has a problem, and you can't fight with crazy."
(Well, you can fight with crazy but it never ends well.)
But Kyle seems to be finally starting to come around (and maybe even show a tiny bit of remorse for her role in the whole mess). So a half-hearted truce with Brandi is declared, during which Kyle has to pretend she doesn't even know what "that stuff" is called. "Crystal...methadone?"
(Call it a wild guess, but Breaking Bad probably isn't on her and Mauricio's DVR lineup.)
"Not cool, what a traitor," huffs Kim at her sister's peace-making powwow with Brandi. In fact, the woman who coined "slut pig" isn't feeling the least bit forgiving.
"Dirty, dirty, ugly mouth. Like a sewer," says Kim to describe the former Mrs. Eddie Cibrian.
Takes one to know one, or do you think Brandi's crystal meth accusations were beyond reproach? Weigh in below with this evening's real victim or rail away at the excess on display. What drove you nuts tonight?!