Lindsay Lohan, Mugshot

Dear Ted:
Sometimes I don't get where you are coming from. You're still rooting for Lindsay Lohan? Are you serious? Yes, the girl is a mess, but let's take a look at something here: She isn't particularly the nicest, honest, most hard-working actor out there. She lies. She steals. She's undependable, doesn't seem to believe she has a problem and seems to feel entitled to everything and owe nothing. I don't get where you still "love her" and all of the other crap you write about her. Bottom line: She's not a good person. And you still go on and on about her talent! So what? If someone doesn't want to help themselves, why are you even bothering?

Dear Hard-Working Hater:
Did we ever say she was perfect? Nope, and far from it. But we do think she's a super-talented actress, and a brand-new role might be just the thing Linds needs to get back on track. And, of course, she's a spoiled-rotten celeb whose always blameless, but the point is to keep her away from Amy Winehouse's destiny, not push her closer toward it with our contempt.

Dear Ted:
My question is about those Blind Vice monikers you so cleverly coin. I think there is always a hint of the real identity within the name such as Ms. Morgan Mayhem, for example. Am I right about the B.V. monikers or do you just write down something that tickles your fancy but has no hint in it whatsoever? And do you leave us clues elsewhere in your B.V.s like in the list of who is not the B.V.?

RELATED: Lohan Family Rep: Reports On Dina Lohan's Tell-All Are "Factually Incorrect"

Dear D Is For Decoder:
When I write Blinds, including the monikers, I'm like Ashton Kutcher when he's talking about his private life: There are hints everywhere, including the people I say it ain't. Really, I drop more clues than my adorable Charlie does poop.

Dear Ted:
Popsugar just ran a photo spread on Natalie Portman with her new baby boy. Is she pregnant again?

Dear Harshest Critic:
Let's do the math here: Her très cute baby, Aleph, was born in June. It's October...Not everyone bounces back in two weeks like Miranda Kerr or something. I'll give Ms. Portman the benefit of the doubt on this one.

Dear Ted:
You wrote that January Jones' baby daddy was far more obvious than Ashton Kutcher, so can you tell me, might the real baby daddy have been on film with Jackie Bouffant and Seymour Plow-Me-More? I mean Jackie and Seymour do know each other from at least one project, right?

Dear I'll Play:
Yes, Jackie and Seymour do know each other. But January's baby daddy hasn't really appeared on film much. You're barking up the wrong daddy tree.

Dear Ted:
Does my fave Robert Downey Jr. have a Vice, past or present? He and Susan seem so happy and in love, especially with the baby on the way. Unusual for Tinseltown, isn't it?

Dear Agreed:
Yeah, that happy-at-last stuff just doesn't seem to happen much in Hollywood! But what in the hell does Robert Downey Jr. need with a Vice? Darling, his whole, drug-addled, law-breaking past is one big Vice novella—only the world already knows it!

Dear Ted:
Does Joseph Gordon-Levitt have a B.V.?

Dear Vice-Crazy:
No, he's not that interested in being famous. Get it?

Dear Ted:
So are Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder a couple? For a while we saw them everywhere together, now you don't see them anymore. He's by himself. Did something happen, or is she extremely busy on the show?

Dear Late to the Game:
Where have you been, doll? The couple haven't exactly been shy about their romance lately. The couple have great chemistry—onscreen and off! But I hardly see it lasting.

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