We should really know better by now. Just when we think Lindsay Lohan is due for a simple, no-drama progress hearing, along comes a no-nonsense judge to put quite the smackdown on the ever-troubled starlet.
So, what did Lindsay do—or, more accurately, not do—this time to get the legal system in a huff?
Well, a few things actually. But the theme of the morning can be boiled down to this: in the judge's eyes, LiLo just doesn't seem to be giving this probation thing her all.
"As the court made clear, Lindsay is in full compliance with all the terms of her probation," rep Steve Honig told E! News after the hearing. In compliance? Yes. Complying in as timely a manner as the judge sees fit? Not in the slightest.
Right off the bat, Judge Stephanie Sautner put her game face on, and admonished Lindsay for not buckling down as strongly as she could.
Starting things off was the issue of her community service. While the court ordered Lindsay to finish 480 hours total—120 at the morgue, and 45 at the Downtown Women's Center—so far, Lohan has only clocked in for 33 hours, or just four days of her sentence.
"She can't be nickel and diming these hours," Sautner warned Shawn Holley. "Trust me, she is going to get held to that deadline. She is not going to get five more minutes. I know there is a movie deal. I will not take into consideration—'sorry, I'm at the Gotti movie'—I will not do it.
"She needs to complete the community service within the year."
Sautner also took issue with the fact that Lohan apparently hadn't yet made any contribution to her $3,900 legal fine—though by the end of the hearing that had been cleared up and Lindsay's slate made clean—and the probation department's inability to get in regular contact with Lindsay.
Apparently, Lindsay's phone had been blocked, and messages from her probation officers had instead been going to her assistant. While Lindsay did phone back three times, Sautner nonetheless told her, "Technically, the probation department must be able to reach you."
Which we would've thought was kind of a given.
The biggest issue of the day, however, seemed to be Lindsay's failure so far to either provide proof of registration for her required Shoplifter Avoidance Class or enroll in psychological counseling.
On the latter claim, Holley explained that Lohan has looked into it, but had concerns over the costs of such a treatment plan, especially considering it might not be covered by her Screen Actors Guild insurance.
Which didn't exactly meet with sympathetic tones from either the city attorney or the judge.
"She needs to get into counseling, and I am going to give her 21 days to get into counseling," Sautner said, going on to magnanimously offer Lindsay advice on what to do should her insurance not end up covering the costs.
"She needs to find an individual therapist that takes a credit card."
The city attorney, too, seemed skeptical—now would be a good time to point out that Lohan wore Christian Louboutins to the hearing—and said that if LiLo couldn't afford private mental health, then the court was more than welcome to order a financial analysis of her finances.
Still, both sides remained unmoved.
"If I don't have proof [of enrollment] in 21 days, I will revoke probation," Sautner said. Which means, come Aug. 11, if Lindsay hasn't submitted appropriate proof to the court, it's back to jail for her.
As for the other terms of her probation, she has until Oct. 19, the date of the next progress hearing which LiLo must once again attend—to complete the Shoplifters Avoidance Program and provide proof she is continuing with her community service.
And here's another date for Lindsay's calendar: Nov. 11. That's when her probation on the first of her long-pending cases will expire.
Her other pending case will be over once she completes her community service. Which seems motivation enough to us. And Sautner, clearly.
"Get done with that community service and your life will be back in order," she said. Here's hoping.
Meanwhile, Lindsay is dealing with another legal headache today, as Dawn Bradley (née Holland), the former Betty Ford employee accusing Lindsay of getting physical with her last year, is filing suit against the actress, claiming she suffered "great mental, physical and nervous pain and suffering" from her run-in with LiLo. She's asking for at least $1 million.
For Lindsay's part, her rep said she's aware of the legal, but won't be talking about it, telling E! News, "We're going to decline to comment on any pending civil suit."