"I came back from Miami and I had taken a nap and I woke up and [sister] Patricia and Courteney were at my bed," recalls Arquette about the staged intervention. "I was like, 'What are you two doing here together?'"
Sure enough, when the Scream 4 star made his way out into the living room, he was greeted by even more individuals concerned about his well-being.
"My best friend was there, my business partner and some guy I don't know, and I go, 'What up, turkeys? I guess this is my intervention,'" says the actor.
And definitely better late than never for Arquette, who reveals that he had his first drink of beer when he was barely out of diapers.
"I must have been four years old," he says. "I was down in the basement with my dad and the beer was there and I just grabbed it and drank it. I remember that. It's one of my earliest memories."
Arquette also addresses the rumors that ran rampant of him partying it up this past New Year's Eve.
"I was sober...at the event," he insists. "I went there because it was something I was planning on doing and wanted to see if I could do it sober, if I could still entertain and dance around, and I could and I had a great time. That's an example of the tabloids getting it wrong."
Here's hoping Arquette continues to get it right.