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    Bitch-Back! Sometimes Love Loses in H'Wood, Just Ask Ashlee and Pete

    Ashlee Simpson Wentz, Pete Wentz BAUER-GRIFFIN.COM

    Dear Ted:
    I was wondering if Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz's split has anything to do with Ashlee's Blind Vice. And my rescue-bunny, Twitch, was wondering if Pete has a Blind?
    —Tiffany

    Dear Carrot Curious:
    Yes and yes. Hey, Twitch!

    Dear Ted:
    Did you see the Funny or Die clip with Jennifer Aniston on Between Two Ferns? I love how cool and down-to-earth she is, which is one of the many reasons I like her. Does she have a Vice? I hope it has nothing to do with her 'tude.
    —yorkie bearsh

    Dear Flying Solo:
    Talk about the perfect poster child for singles V Day! I absolutely adore her, her hair and whatever the frick she does—save maybe a few of movies, though, must say. This cool chick doesn't technically have her own Vice (she has a cameo in a couple of others'), and I personally hope it stays that way. She deserves some normal dude. Crossing my fingers she has a stand-up secret admirer for today.

    Dear Ted:
    You said that Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus are very good friends; Justin is dating Selena Gomez. Selena and Miley don't like each other, right? So how is this terrain being navigated?
    —Kelly_scannell

    Dear Belieber in Love:
    In pure lovey-dovey drool, Justin and Selena together is the cutest thing since, like. ever. Honestly, did you see them at the premiere for his movie Never Say Never last week? No one's getting in the way of that handholding and smiley affair. Not even the Miley. Don't think Justin's been spending hours of quality time with his girl who's a friend anyways. And the Biebs is in talks to buy a condo in the L.A. area to be closer to Selena! Woof their puppy love so much.

    Dear Ted:
    Just wanted to know your thoughts on the upcoming SNL being hosted by Russell Brand with Chris Brown as the musical guest. First, why would SNL allow Chris Brown to be on their show? Second, could this cause problems with Brand and Katy Perry since she's close with Rihanna?
    Em

    Dear Drama Rama:
    So sure Russell will try and lighten the mood with Chris. No doubt, what Rihanna's ex-beau did was despicable, but the guy seems to be shaping up, and Rihanna has been dating around since the incident. Not going to go as far as no hard feelings there (not without some severe prison time for that beating, sorry), but at least there's hope of redemption—something we all deserve.

    Dear Ted:
    You said in September 2009 that Dakota Fanning hadn't come around to being corrupted by the Twi cast. Well, has she been corrupted by them now? If so, which castmember was up to the task Kristen Stewart or Nikki Reed?

    Dear Bloody Valentine:
    Now, that's true love: a bunch of girlfriends who will teach you the devilish showbiz ways. I'm guessing it was a three-way sort of deal.

    Dear Ted:
    Do you think Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz split up because Ash was too much of a princess?
    Liz

    Dear Hardly Having It:
    Princessing around was probably part of it, but I'm sure there was a series of unfortunate events with this duo. A one-month engagement? Like, how often does that love at first sight, Khlomar crap actually work out? Hate to be the downer, but not everyone is meant to be, and just because they have a baby together doesn't mean they should be man and wife. And her father did not do Ashlee any favors helping her navigate future relationships—at all.

    Dear Ted:
    Who do you like even a little bit: Shafterella, Fake à la Ferocity or Cruella St. Shackles? Who's slicker and who has fooled us the most in public?
    —kagiso

     Dear Some Single, Some Mingle:
    Fake à la Ferocity, by far, even though, ultimately, she and Cruella are pretty much in the same sinking boat of bitchery. But Shafterella still has a chance (barely). She's working through her rough situation and getting on with her life—as I like to see all my Vicey celebs do well, eventually!

    Dear Ted:
    I am really obsessed with Dick Wadd and King Schlong right now. Two quick questions: Is Dick Wadd a California boy who headed to the colonies? And did King Schlong see Paris over the holidays (take it however you want).
    Fish

    Dear Questioning Men:
    Didn't your mother ever teach you not to assume you know everything about men? These two are destined for Blind Vice superstar territory, but I would double-check your fact checking before you go semi-pointing fingers at some stud muffins. Off on both hunts, totally.

    Dear Ted:
    I just saw a picture of Jack Wagner with Heather Locklear. He looks very feminine, in a disturbing way. No wonder Heather hasn't married him yet!
    --Miss P

    Dear Look More Closely:
    Babe, do you have any idea what men (just like women!) do to themselves in this town to stay looking young? Perhaps Jack's weirdo looks have more to do with Faye Dunaway—it is than anything hormonal. Just a thought, nothing more.

    Dear Ted:
    I've noticed that you've been mentioning that it's a poor match between Alexander Skarsgård and Kate Bosworth. I'm sorry if I missed some earlier dirt, but why? I've heard various rumors that he is gay. Could that have anything to do with it? Makes no difference to me; I'll still lust after him, either way.
    --Trubie

    Dear Bloodthristy:
    Poor match only because he will eat that pretty little bony thing alive, literally (if he hasn't already)! She's just no match, in any regard. Move on, Kate, and leave him to the rest of us who know what to do with the hunk! And for the record, I think you should ask Alexander if he's gay, not me. But quite frankly, I don't care, either.

    VIDEO: Couples news in last week's Truth, Lies, & Ted

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