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Five Ways Kate & Wills Can Avoid Wedding Disaster!

Kate Middleton, Prince William Mario Testino/Clarence House Press Office via Getty Images

Talk about face-stuffing statement! How huge is it that while Prince William was finishing some business in North Wales his princess-in-prep, Kate Middleton stepped out in public to grab lunch with her future stepmother-in-law? With none other than Duchess of Cornwall, Camilla Parker Bowles.

So is it true that while the Windsor men are away their women will ploy?

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Well, about wedding plans.

Good thing Kate brought her notebook! The two queens in waiting dined with Kate's sister, Pippa, and Camilla's daughter, Laura Lopez, at Koffmann's, part of London's fancy Berkeley Hotel. Camilla dished some valuable advice, clearly, but was Kate really listening? Or, was this more for show?

Hmm. Let's hope K.M. had her ears perked, as the notorious duchess—who was famous for being the "third member" of Prince Charles's marriage to his first wife, Diana, Princess of Wales—has pockets full of royal pains 'n' pointers to share.

While Camilla whispers her Windsor-clan advice, how about we proudly spill the do's and don'ts for England's pretty pair, as well, just so they—heaven forbid—don't end up like Charles and Diana?

1. Don't Sleep With the Enemy: Let's be blunt here, Charles and Di's marriage tanked because he couldn't keep it in his pants (and he cheated way first, for all those who care to trot out Diana's many affairs).

Charles made some rather friendly visits—as he would call them—to his ex gf Camilla's place during his marriage to Di.

William, stay put. Visiting a female friend that is not your wife (much less one who was known to insult your spouse) is never innocent playtime. And, no wife is naïve enough to not know. So just be clever enough to cover your tracks if you do cheat. Hint: No dirt on your pajamas after midnight romps in the garden, please.

2. Blend In: This was always one of Diana's faults. She wanted to travel the world, be the "people's princess," save lives with Mother Teresea, do bomb screenings in third-world countries, attend fashion benefits in the US, court celebrities, etc., but be a royal hostess? That was at the bottom of her priority checklist. Don't do that, Kate.

Take the road most traveled. Just like every royal female out there, stock up on those floppy hats, wave delicately by your Prince's side, and smile for the working class. And do loads of charity work, which Diana got right, at least.

Also, whatever you do, make sure first and foremost you know your place in that palace. God (and the queen) knows your future stepmother-in-law screwed that crap up the first time around. Camilla is still not exactly warmly received.

3. Remember, Etiquette Is Everything: Know your silverware, and don't forget it's always "Your Majesty." Even Di wasn't on a nickname basis with the queen, puh-lease. Keep that notebook handy during princess training.

There are certain logistics regarding palace etiquette that could have even the prettiest of princesses ousted from the gilded joint. Cases in point: slurping your tea, turning your back to the queen, or touching the queen without her initiating it. When in doubt, go with that gentle, lady-like handshake.

Remember Michelle Obama, who made a big-time etiquette blunder when she hugged the queen upon first meeting? And, everyone's all riled up that the Obamas didn't get an invite to the wedding? Hello? These people never forget. Anything.

4. Look Out for Wedding Gifts From GFs Past: This one goes for both the bride and groom. Everyone knows that as fabulous and amazing as Princess Di was, she was a runner-up in Prince Charles' eyes, behind Camilla. Just another reason why we think he's a total dufus!

Turns out Charles and Diana's honeymoon was not-so-sweet after the new bride discovered Charles wedding-day cuff links were shaped in interlocking C's–a personal wedding gift from Camilla. And as many may not know, Charles' eldest has a very healthy romantic past, too. Please, sidestep any love-triangle royal repeat. So overdone.

5. Stay Out of Hollywood: And we mean it. That nuoveau riche scene is not your friend. It was always one of Di's weaknesses. Dodi Fayed and his movie-producing stints. Doing a movie with Kevin Costner?! Can you imagine? Di could—and did (according to Costner). Well, when Diana wasn't busy getting down with Sir Elton John, dancing with John Travolta and dining with the late Michael Jackson—way better than having tea and biscuits with the snooty royal crowd set, which Diana detested.

To be fair, maybe it's because Camilla was such a part of it?

Anyways, we see Kate's already getting a jump start on this formal adieu to H'wood, now that the palace nixed Rupert Murdoch's idea to film the royal wedding in 3-D. Good sign. You love birds will have paparazzi galore on your tracks for the rest of your lives, so ditch the glam. If Di had done so, she very well could have been Queen of England, and—much more important—still alive.

See, the camera loved her without even trying.

So, don't try too hard Kate. Just a suggestion.

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