The Social Network is truly a global phenomenon.
David Fincher's origins-of-Facebook thrillfest was named Best Motion Picture, Drama, Sunday at the 68th Golden Globe Awards, topping off its Best Score, Screenplay and Director wins to make it the most triumphant honoree of the night.
Ending Mad Men's three-year reign, Boardwalk Empire was named Best Television Series, Drama, the bootlegging mobsters from Atlantic City seemingly doing the impossible by muscling out the suave Sterling Cooper Draper Prycers from NYC.
"Holy, effin' crap, we just won a Golden Globe Award," exclaimed creator and executive producer Terence Winter. As always, HBO led all networks with four wins.
Fox was right behind 'em with three, though, thanks to Glee's three wins, including a repeat in the Best TV Series, Comedy, category.
But the Emmys aren't for months, so let us focus on future Oscar prospects.
Natalie Portman, in another bump-grazing gown, got the Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama, win for Black Swan, using the opportunity to remind us that she's pregnant, and fiancé Benjamin Millepied is the father, dammit.
"Thank you to Benjamin who is helping me to continue this creation of creating more life, who—Benjamin choreographed the film and you also might remember him in the movie as the guy who, when they asked, 'Would you sleep with that girl?' he's like, "Pssh, no.' He's the best actor! It's not true, he totally wants to sleep with me!"
And everyone got quite the laugh out of that.
Christian Bale surprised absolutely no one when he was named Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture for The Fighter, and Colin Firth managed to surprise even fewer people than that by winning Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama, for The King's Speech—both roles based on real people and two of the most acclaimed performances of the year.
(Side note: Michael Douglas, nominated for Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps, looked healthy and fantastic. "There's got to be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he quipped before presenting the evening's final prize.)
"I never knew who those guys were," Bale, all of a sudden in the running for most garrulous yet congenial award recipient of 2011, said of the Hollywood Foreign Press, which seemingly rears its collective head once a year to dole out the Globes. "And suddenly I've realized how wise, and spectacular and perceptive those guys really are."
Firth, who along with Portman and Bale was a Critics' Choice Award winner on Friday, cited the "surprisingly robust triangle of man love" made up of himself, director Tom Hooper and costar Geoffrey Rush, "who is now my true friend and geisha girl."
He and Bale can just keep scooping up awards all year long.
Melissa Leo also felt her Oscar stock rising, accepting for Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture for playing the fierce, brash, sprayed-and-teased matriarch in The Fighter.
Mark Wahlberg, while he better get used to losing to Firth this season, did get a trip to the stage as an executive producer of top TV dog Boardwalk Empire.
Annette Bening gave a very heartfelt acceptance speech for Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical, for The Kids Are All Right (the ultimate winner for Best Picture, Comedy or Musical), capping it off by thanking "the 1962 winner for most promising actor, my husband, Warren Beatty."
The Social Network scribe Aaron Sorkin, who collected the win for Best Screenplay, gave a shout-out to all the actresses nominated tonight as proof for his young daughter watching at home that "smart girls have more fun."
In a Better World, from Denmark, was named Best Foreign Language Film, a category host Ricky Gervais joked that no one cares about —but they certainly do when Olivia Wilde and Robert Pattinson do the honors.
Hell, even Burlesque went home a winner, or at least Diane Warren did for penning Best Song, "You Haven't Seen the Last of Me," performed by Cher in the film.
Robert De Niro later gave a quick tutorial on the HFPA when he was presented with the Cecil B. DeMille Award for career achievement, the often tight-lipped actor reverting into quite the King of Comedy tonight.
"I was very very moved and gratified when you made the announcement two months ago—well before you had a chance to review Little Fockers—I saw those. It's OK, we all have our jobs to do," De Niro tittered to himself. "Thank you for your tireless work in promoting our industry all over the world...And the important thing is we are all in this together, the filmmakers who make the movies, and the Hollywood Foreign Press members who in turn pose for pictures with the movie stars.
"I'm sorry more members of the Foreign Press aren't with us tonight," he continued, "but many of them were deported right before the show. Along with most of the waiters. And Javier Bardem. For the rest of you, I hope your papers are in order, because Homeland Security will be checking them as soon as they're done with with the full body scans of Megan Fox."
The HFPA surely pleased legions of scorned Sons of Anarchy fans by naming Katey Sagal Best Actress in a TV Drama, finally sending some love her way for her role as the stoic yet ruthlessly protective First Old Lady of a morally compromised motorcycle club.
Meanwhile, Steve Buscemi was named Best Actor in a TV Series, Drama, his unlikely turn as a leading man in Boardwalk Empire paying off.
Jim Parsons won for Best Actor in a TV Series, Comedy, letting a very Sheldon Cooperish "how crass" slip out when he thanked "my writers" from The Big Bang Theory.
Laura Linney shortened the proceedings by not being around to accept for Best Actress in a TV Series, Comedy, for her role as a cancer patient who decides to throw caution to the wind in The Big C.
Gleeks had plenty of reason to rejoice: Jane Lynch repeated her Emmy triumph with a win for Best Supporting Actress in a TV Series, Miniseries or Movie, and Chris Colfer's win for the complementary Best Supporting Actor immediately set off the waterworks at the Glee table.
"Most importantly, to all the amazing kids who watch our show, and the kids that our show celebrates who are constantly told 'no' by the people in their environments, by bullies at school, that they can't be who they are or have what they want because of who they are...Well, screw that, kids!" said the endlessly endearing Colfer.
The three-part Carlos, which was also released in theaters but was simultanteously televised on the Sundance Channel, upset all the HBO faves to win Best Miniseries or TV Movie.
Al Pacino and Claire Danes followed up their Emmy wins with parallel honors for Best Actor and Actress in a Miniseries or TV Movie for their HBO-sponsored roles in You Don't Know Jack and Temple Grandin.
Gervais was in usual form, kicking off with a Charlie Sheen jab, mocking The Tourist's multiple nominations—"I'm just jumping on the bandwagon," he admitted, "I haven't even seen The Tourist"—and introducing presenter Robert Downey Jr. as a performer the locals might know best "from facilities such as the Betty Ford Center and Los Angeles County Jail."
"Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister undertones," Downey said, replacing Gervais at the microphone, "I'd say the vibe of the show so far has been pretty good, wouldn't you?"
And it only got better from there, as he launched into a bit about having had sexual relations with all five women nonimated for Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical, the mock-intense gaze he exchanged with 22-year-old Emma Stone worth the price of admission for all.
(Originally published Jan. 16, 2010, at 8:11 p.m. PT)