I have a Christmas present for Kristen Stewart. How can I make sure she gets it?
—SuperK, via the inbox
Well, that depends on how badly you want it to get to her. Without considerable determination on your part, your offering could easily end up in the clacking pincers of a personal publicist or grabby assistant.
So here's exactly what you need to do to make sure K.Stew gets your goodies:
You may think the most important part of your prezzie is the gifty itself. You would be wrong.
The most important part of your offering is the message that goes with it. Your gift message needs to sound professional, or, at least, semi-professional, as if the gift is from a sane person and not just another driveling fan.
Otherwise, you might find yourself on the wrong end of a restraining order.
So stick to polite, but not simpering, language:
Enclosed please find a small gift that I thought you might enjoy for the purposes of such and such.
Do not included phrases like "can't wait to meet you," or "please send your autograph."
"Otherwise you might sound stalker-ish," says Liz Dennery Sanders, CEO and founder of Dennery Marks Inc. and creator of The Celebrity 411, a 10-step system that teaches people how to get their products into the hands of stars.
Next, forget going through celebrity personal publicists.
"Most people will tell you to call the publicist because that's the politically correct thing to do," Dennery Marks says.
"But it's usually the manager who has the closest relationship with the celebrities. Publicists and agents tend to rotate, but the manager tends to be the most stable counterpart in the celebrity's life."
So, call the manager and say you have a gift for Ms. Stewart and you'd like the address for the manager's office for that specific purpose. You'll be speaking to the manager's assistant, so make nice, and get an email address for follow-up if you can. Then, once you send the gift, send a note to the manager's assistant asking if the star has received it.
If the manager blows you off, then try the agent, or an attorney's office.
Lastly, don't expect any sort of response. According to Dennery Marks, A-list stars receive—not a misprint—hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of unsolicited gifts a year.
And when it comes to Stewart herself, I have it on good authority that, while she has received such gifts, she isn't real big on feedback.