Has Simon Cowell Ditched X Factor for X-Men?

Has American Idol's caustic judge joined a crew of crime fighters?

Sure, Simon Cowell, we knew it took superhuman efforts for you not to lose your mind during those endless American Idol tryouts, but we never expected you to assemble a crew of scantily clad superheroes.

Explain yourself, Simon.

Well, Simon didn't join the X-Men or these ersatz Super Friends. Unfortunately, these ballsy gentlemen are not superheroes, but just some not-so supermodels modeling Spanx for Men line, an act of such shameless silliness it would be kind of heroic if they weren't able to hide their identities behind the masks.

Also, sadly, this is not Simon Cowell, just some unfortunate fellow who looks like the caustic Brit—even down to the mom jeans—but without all Simon's money. That's gotta hurt.

At least there's this: The next time you have a wardrobe malfunction you'll know who to call.