Joan Rivers

Charles William Bush

Dear Joan:
What can I wear to a Hollywood theme party? I am a man. I wanna look great but not trashy—a little bit like Justin Timberlake. I really need your help! Thanks. I love you and keep telling those bitches how to look.

Dear Mr. Evil:

As long as those bitches deserve it—and thank you! As for Justin, he looks adorable these days promoting his new movie in serious suits and nerdy glasses (like that'll make us believe he's home surfing Facebook at night!). But better than the bleached denim during his Britney Spears days.

Dear Joan:
What would be the most appropriate kind of dress when going out at night for a dinner or a party, and how short should it be?

Dear Party Girl:
A LBD (little black dress) with fabulous accessories will never fail you. As for the length, here's a good measure to go by: Carolina Herrera told me once that the most flattering hemline is just above the knee—this hemline works on women any age.

Dear Joan:
I am a sophomore in college and I hate being a cookie-cutter copycat. I hate seeing everyone in Nike shorts and giant T-shirts. How can I dress for success without taking two to three hours to get ready for my 8 a.m. classes?

Dear Head of the Class:
Good for you for wanting to avoid looking like everybody else! It just takes a little organization to get ready quickly in the a.m. Lay out your favorite look the night before or keep it at the front of your closet. If you're prepared it takes just as little time to slip on jeans and a nice top in the morning as it does to slide into shorts and a T-shirt.

Dear Joan:
You are my Jewish role model. Love you and the show! I must know who made Kelly Osbourne's blazer in the second or third episode, I'm obsessed with the fit and must have it in my wardrobe!
—Lauren Levine

Dear Fashion Fan:
Now I'm getting verklempt. Aren't you a sweetheart. And Kelly looked great in that blazer, it was Lucca Couture.

Dear Joan:
In magazines I keep seeing thick stockings with peep-toe shoes. As long as I remember, this has been a fashion no-no. Is this a new trend that is worth trying out, or should I stick to closed-toe shoes when wearing thick stockings?

Dear Trend Watcher:
Go ahead and give it a try. But this is one trend I predict will flame out faster than David Hasselhoff did on Dancing With the Stars.

Dear Joan:
I'm 17 and just had a baby. I don't know how to dress anymore and got very fat. I used to love getting dressed—now I don't know what to put on. Help please.

Dear Yummy Mummy:
A baby is a wonderful thing—they spit and poop on us and then ask for allowance, go figure! But don't beat yourself up, it takes time to lose the baby weight. Find what flatters you now and figure out your new identity as a'll get there.

Dear Joan:
How does a short, chubby chick in her 40s look good while waiting for those gym workouts to (hopefully) show results?

Dear Curious:
Good for you, keep it up! Choose clothes with lots of structure and have them taken in or tailored as you change sizes. Nothing looks as good as the right fit.

Dear Joan:
My grandma gave me three fake fur coats that look like they're from the 1950s. They're not long but have neutral colors in them. How do I make it work in the winter nowadays?

Dear Faux-Fur:
Lucky you! The '50s are so in right now—look at Mad Men. Just make the coats current by wearing them with something unexpected and less vintage, like a pair of jeans or thigh-high boots.

WATCH: Fashion Police Friday nights at 10:30 on E!
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