Phillip Bloch to Jersey Shore Cast: "Bathe!"

Stylist picks his best- and worst-dressed reality stars

Stylist to the stars Phillip Bloch isn't holding back when it comes to the current crop of reality stars and their dressing habits, choosing his best and worst clothed of the bunch and offering up some advice to the Jersey Shore cast.

Bloch, 45, author of the new book The Shopping Diet, which offers tips on how to shop smart, dishes on everyone from Kim Kardashian (his fave) to Snooki...

"Snooki doesn't just have a muffin top, she is a muffin top," Bloch says. "All those girls, they need to bathe—they look shiny and slimy."

Ouch.

He continues:

"People wanna get rid of Snooki's bump—that's the least of her problems. You wanna scrape off the tans, get rid of the lip gloss. The guys have these fierce bodies and the girls are messes. They don't go to a gym. Why don't they go with the boys and pull it together and then go shopping?"

Also making his disaster list:

Teresa Giudice from the Real Housewives of New Jersey: "She goes by the Fran Drescher adage: The bigger the hair, the smaller the hips."

Nene Leakes from the Real Housewives of Atlanta: "No need to scream when you can whisper. Like I say in my book, she's a big girl who feels like she has to be in big girl clothes. You're not hiding anything, we know it's there. Take it down some."

Kendra Wilkinson: "Doesn't dress up. Can we get out of the gym clothes and the poom-poom shirt? Does she own any adult clothes? Any clothes that a woman would wear? She's always working out, never working it out. Get a dress, get a suit, get some pants!"

Phillip's top picks for best dressed reality vixens?

Kim Kardashian: "Kim. Kourtney. Khloé. They've created a movement in fashion. Kim is one of the most stylish people out there right now. Every girl in every city is gallivanting around in too-tiny dresses. I've seen more X-rated body parts in Manhattan thanks to the Kardashians, but the jersey dress is hot on these girls."

Top Chef's Padma Lakshmi: "A Vogue girl through and through. She has a fashion edge. She knows how to dress for her body. She's effortless elegance."

New Jersey Housewife Danielle Staub (What?!): It's true. Phillip says she has "great style" and just needs to stand up straighter.

Danielle's nemesis Caroline Manzo: "Dresses great for her shape. She probably has some smooth illusion shapers on under there. She dresses age appropriate and is pulled together more than anyone. She's incredibly appropriate and chic."

New York Housewife and new mama Bethenny Frankel: "Made pregnancy fashion edgy. She dresses chic...has a slight fashion edge."

Phillip won't be holding back his opinions in a new reality show he's created with Tijuana Productions based on his life in and outside of fashion. "It's better than Rachel Zoe's because it shows what goes on in my real life, too, not just fashion," he says. "It shows every aspect of my life."