Happy Labor Day weekend! Nurse your work-week hangover with some hair of the news:
EMMY MAD(MEN)NESS: While Mad Men kept dominating, major surprises included Modern Family's ascension to the top comedy spot ahead of Glee, Top Chef's triumph over The Amazing Race and Jim Parson's big win. Then, of course, there was the fact that Jimmy Fallon was born to run host. E! Online had you covered on all fronts, from what the beautiful people said and wore on the red carpet to the show's best and worst moments to the after parties' greatest hits. You know, your usual complete, can't-be-beat coverage.
SIN IN THE CITY: Paris Hilton, perhaps envious of former party pal Lindsay Lohan's string of headlines, got herself back in the news by getting busted for cocaine possession in Las Vegas. With no one rushing to claim the gum coke as theirs, like they did when Paris was twice popped for pot while traveling abroad this summer, she claimed the purse she was carrying wasn't hers. Which apparently doesn't make any difference. Who thinks her newly unemployed boyfriend Cy Waits is a bad influence? Of course, that depends on whether or not Paris minds not being able to stay at any Steve Wynn-owned establishments.
DANCING DRAMA: WWK pretty much nailed the season 11 lineup (10 of 12 contestants confirmed way ahead of ABC's schedule, natch), but who knew that Jennifer Greys desire to do Dancing With the Stars helped her nip cancer in the bud? Here's a lineup of who's dancing with whom.
EAT YOUR HEART OUT: Why would Ashton Kutcher cheat on this?! Well, apparently not, but I guess that was Demi Moore's point when she posted smokin' hot bikini pics of herself on Twitter. Man, she really spends a lot of time in her bathroom while dressed for the beach.
REALITY'S OVERRATED: Bethenny Frankel has had enough of the Real Housewives of New York and won't be back next season. Obviously, it's time to get back to her private life and focus on Bethenny Getting Married.
BACK IN THE SADDLE: There's no mistaking now that three-time divorcé Jesse James is giving it a go with tattoo artist Kat Von D, who says she doesn't follow blogs and tabloids...which explains a lot about what the hell she's getting herself into...Sandra Bullock opened up about life after the fact.
SCARY ON THE SET: An extra working on Transformers 3 needed brain surgery after a towing cable smashed through the windshield of a car she was in and struck her in the head. We're happy to hear that Gabriela Cedillo is now in stable condition.
NETWORK NIGHTMARE: A gunman took hostages at Discovery Channel headquarters in Maryland before being shot dead by police.
BEWARE OF DOG: Samantha Ronson was apparently asleep inside when her bulldog fatally attacked a neighbor's Maltese that was roaming around in the hallway of their apartment building. Sam felt terrible—we feel sorry for all of the dog owners involved—and that was before she found out she could face criminal charges.
LOVE SHACKS: Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson have ditched their rented Bel-Air digs, but hey, they've got to have somewhere to unwind after the stress of shooting the Breaking Dawn birth...Hilary Duff may be on her way to Pittsburgh with her Penguin hubby...Kristin Cavallari isn't interfering with Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler's passes.
BROKEN BELLS: Slash filed for divorce from wife Perla Ferrar.
BABY BOOM: No trouble here, Céline Dion is still in the bloom of pregnancy...It's gonna be a girl for Big Love's Patrick Fabian...Mad Men's Rich Sommer begat a son...It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia husband-and-wife costars Rob McElhenney and Kaitlin Olsen made a baby...Jody Sweetin's house is fuller.
ELSEWHERE IN TV LAND: Snooki's ex, Jeff Miranda, isn't so great at proposing but he's awesome at brawling on camera...America's Got Talent semifinals set...An Office movie? If Harvey Keitel's in it, they should call it Bad District Manager...Randy Jackson is "locked in"...True Blood scoop...Can't wait for the premiere of Conan!...Meet the new cast of The Amazing Race...Mariska Hargitay lending her services to Los Angeles...Michael Douglas talked cancer on Letterman...Glee and Flight of the Conchords stars hit The Simpsons...Glee doesn't pay as well as one might think...What TV couple is getting married?...SPOILER ZONE!
MOVIE MOVES: Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen's little sis Elizabeth has an indie to call her own, and she didn't need to make out with Ben Kingsley...Ryan Reynolds and Bradley Cooper teaming up for a buddy-cop comedy.
MUSICAL NOTES: "Chris Brown" and "No. 1" are being used in the same sentence again, only this time "No. 1" isn't followed by "a-hole"...No love lost between Axl Rose and Dublin concertgoers...Fantasia Barrino lands solidly second to Katy Perry...Rihanna got waxed...Miranda Lambert leads the CMA Awards field with nine noms, including Entertainer of the Year...Miley Cyrus joined Justin Bieber onstage at Madison Square Garden...Hear the new Lady Gaga song...John Lennon's toilet sold at auction for $14,740.
CRIME & PUNISHMENT: Paris and Lindsay once helped keep our city safe...Chris Klein, fresh from rehab, gets lots of probation and time served for DUI...Getting busted along with his wife for pot possession might not bode well for T.I.'s parole...David Letterman's attempted extortionist is out of prison...Idoler Asia'h Epperson charged with battery...George Michael finally decided to go to rehab after his latest smash hit.
NICE THREADS: Victoria Beckham's designer collection is up for label of the year at the British Fashion Awards...PETA likes Lea Michele, Kellan Lutz and Olivia Munn's style...The mayor of Venice would prefer that Julianne Moore wear more clothes.
ME GIRL, YOU EX: Chelsea Handler is no longer doing the wild thing with Animal Planet guy Dave Salmoni.
SEEN: Jennifer Aniston supping at Madeo's in West Hollywood with sometime dinner date Chris Gartin...Kelly Osbourne performing with the Pussycat Dolls burlesque group at the Viper Room in WeHo...Lindsay Lohan enjoying Chateau Marmont with new entourage member Adam Leber...The new Dancing With the Stars cast (minus The Situation) getting acquainted at STK, also in the bustling burg of WeHo...Rob Pattinson hitting up Jimmy Fallon's post-Emmys party at Trousdale in, where else, WeHo.