This week we suggested a handful of ways that Oprah Winfrey can survive dumping her daytime TV gig, but the real question is: What the ef are we going to do without O. dishing to us on the daily? Can the world even survive without Oprah on the air?
Fear not, Oprah-philes, because, like the sound advice we had for O herself, we have got some pointers to help you navigate a world without Winfrey. And don't worry, we're not suggesting you switch over to The Tyra Show, because that's ending too. Real convenient timing, Tyra Banks.
We know we're not Oprah herself, but listen up:
Choose your own favorite things!
Wondering when you started to scrape the bottom of your bank account? Maybe it was the Williams-Sonoma cupcakes you had shipped in bulk to store in your brand new LG HDTV refrigerator. Or the Burberry coat (to match the Burberry purse, of course) you bought to wear while installing your Hand-Blown Crystal Champagne Glasses.
Let's face it: Oprah isn't exactly living in the same tax bracket as most of us, so her favorite things can become a bit pricey. But now that she's not name-dropping her fave gadget or preferred custom cuisine yearly, you'll have a bit more cash in your pocket—and you'll never have to buy a J.Lo Velour Sweatsuit again!
Read a short book. Or one that doesn't make you weep.
Sick of spending weeks reading a book that clocks in at a thousand-plus pages and weighs enough to be used as a lethal weapon (we're looking at you The Pillars of the Earth)? Maybe it's time you grabbed one of those trashy paperback romance novels and take a break from the perils of cringing and crying at the misfortunes of the Middlesex. Not to say we don't love a good Oprah's Book Club Selection, but why not venture outside her picks? Or, ya know, just read The Awful Truth instead.
Find your own damn doctors. Preferably real ones.
Since everything Dr. Oz says is a crowd-pleaser, and you can't get treated by Dr. Phil unless you're a madman, it's about time you opened up the yellow pages (the 1980's equivalent of Google) and sought out your own personal, real medical attention. Don't wind up like one of those crazies who decided to only listen to the O.'s gospel-spreading dream team and find yourself grafted to an armchair with hypochondria, credit card debt and a fluid-covered Polaroid of Nate Berkus.
Subscribe to O magazine, watch The Oprah Winfrey Network, wait for Oprah's eventual return to the world of talk shows...
Oh, guess she's not really going anywhere, huh?