Dancing can be hazardous to your health. And, possibly, to your custody.
No, J.Goss seems to think that globetrotting with a (much younger) flavor of the month, making hay of (alleged) apartment break-ins and taking up residency in Hollywood gifting suites is what makes for good parenting, and, armed with those credentials, is challenging the terms of his custody deal.
Chief among Jon's complaints is the allegation that Kate's dedication to Dancing With the Stars has made her into an absentee mother.
(For the moment we won't quibble with such details as Jon bolting to a different state in the aftermath of their split or that the majority of Kate's training takes place in her Pennsylvania home...)
In any case, he has recruited former federal prosecutor Anthony F. List and is making plans to seek both primary custody of the Plus 8 as well as spousal support from his ex-wife. List told E! News that they will file three complaints against Kate tomorrow.
But rest assured, Jon isn't begrudging Kate her time onscreen.
"I realize she has a right to support herself as the children benefit by that, but there is a limit and, you know, you can't turn on a talk show or anything today where she's not there, and obviously she can't be in two places at once," List said.
"I don't think the answer to this is to have three paid nannies watching kids while Mom is running around making a name for herself on the West Coast."
Yeah, everyone knows that's Dad's job.
"She's been an absentee mom and she's spending very little physical time with the children...I don't know how physically she can spend any time with them because she seems to be taping some show 3,000 miles away."
List said he and Gosselin will demand that Jon's legal rights be "spelled out" by the courts, as they are "extremely necessary for these children to survive such a hectic time in their lives."
And if the judge should decide to reverse payment on the $20,000 per month he shells out to Kate to cover the kids' expenses, so be it!
"I don't think even Donald Trump pays that much," List said.
"Jon is their father, and he's been a good father. And the kids love him. And she just, you know, she, like, reminds me of a charge nurse at a hospital, and I say that affectionately because my mother was a charge nurse...and, you know, she's used to kind of dictating what everyone's going to do and if it's not her way, it creates a tense situation for everybody.
"And I don't care about anybody else but the children, frankly."
Jon's bank account will be so disappointed to hear that.
Meanwhile, Team Kate is gearing up for a fight.
Of List's claim that she is an "absentee mother," attorney Mark Momjian told E! News that the comments are not only "patently offensive," but "reckless."
"We haven't been served with any legal papers," he said. "To the extent that any comment was made calling Kate an absentee mom, there's a level where we don't want to dignify it, but it's clearly patently offensive."
As for Kate, judging by her critical reception on DWTS last night, her alleged absence may not be a problem for long (only time and tonight's results show will tell for sure). Judging by what she told E! News after last night's show, we think she'll be fine no matter how this thing shakes out:
"I don't really worry about what other people say because I know it's me who has to feed my kids and take care of them, so that's where my focus is all the time."
—Additional reporting by Whitney English
Missed Kate on last night's Dancing With the Stars? Catch up now with our recap and video highlights.