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    Bitch-Back! Clooney and Franco Stun—In a Bad Way

    James Franco, George Clooney Valerie Macon/Getty Images; Daniele Venturelli/Getty Images

    Dear Ted:
    I just heard that James Franco was going to appear on General Hospital! WTF? Guess he wants to seriously tank his career. Soaps are something you do in the beginning of your career when you're starving, naive and stupid. Then you can say "Oh, I was starving, naive and stupid." But after you've had some success, there is no excuse, dude! Talk about poor career choices...then all you can say is, "Yeah, my career is seriously f--ked, so I figure even something this damn sad won't hurt it more!" Well...yeah, it can and will.

    Dear Don't Get It:
    Franco made it clear a long time ago he marches to a professional beat: It's why we love him; you should, too. He certainly had the guts to take on playing Sean Penn's lover in Milk, not to mention going back to school instead of whoring himself out to every event he could in Hollywood. Franco does what he wants and he wants to have fun. Let him.

    Dear Ted:
    You make me soooo mad sometimes! I'm positive you respect women, so why do you constantly defend George Clooney?! He does not respect women. Does not! All the charities he attaches himself to cannot change the fact that he does not respect women. He's immature and selfish. Nothing classy about using women and throwing them away, after they have been brutalized by the press, as a direct result of his actions. I used to be a fan; now I'd like to give him a swift kick in the a**.
    Miss P

    Dear Scorning George:
    While I agree George could do with a little class in the girl-searching department, all of these ladies know exactly what they're entering into when they go out with G.C. And most of them have no problem milking their fame after—it's worth it to them, too.

    Dear Ted:
    What's wrong with everyone? What in the hell do Rob and Kristen have to do to prove to the world that they are a couple? I've never had sex with my guy in front of my friends, but I'm pretty sure they know we're together! WTF!

    Dear Good Question:
    Got me! Maybe just keep up exactly what they're doing? Although it's hardly sexy enough for my taste.

    Dear Ted:
    I know you have said all your posts should be reviewed and dissected carefully as you use "hidden" meanings in your wording and "clues" are given in the way you use certain catchphrases, highlighted words and abbreviations. Does this also apply to the photos you use? And are you really that crafty?

    Dear Sneak Attack:
    Of course I'm that crafty, babe! You have to be to survive in this biz. There were no clues to Toothy Tile or any other Vice victims in this answer, BTW.

    Dear Ted:
    I have a few celebs who I think could be Topher Hairy-Tuchus. To narrow them down I need to ask a few more questions. Is Topher black or white? If he's white is he a blue-eyed blond or brown-eyed blond? Or if his hair is black and his eyes are blue or brown or green? Is Topher a child star who is now an adult? Did he ever model? I'm not asking you for too many specifics because I like the guessing. I'm just saying help me narrow it down.
    Forever a Fan

    Dear Holy Hell:
    Those specifics made me, and Topher, squirm. I'll give you the first one—he's white.

    Dear Ted:
    Are you surprised by the longevity of the K.S./R.P. relationship? R.P. seems like a crack-up, has admitted to being slightly immature and has said he gets very emotional, whereas K.S. seems almost overly serious, analytical and perhaps a little cynical. I get the whole chemistry thing, I get the whole opposites-attract thing, but I wonder how long that can sustain them, especially considering the immense scrutiny they are under.

    Dear Level-Headed:
    I'm not that surprised—I think even though they are young you can definitely feel that spark with someone seriously at that age. Do I think it will be difficult after Eclipse stops filming and they go their separate ways for a while? Of course…no one can get the hang of long-distance relationships perfectly.

    Dear Ted:
    I want to say that I agree completely with you about Roman Polanski. Bad things are bad, rape is rape in the USA, Tierra del Fuego and Timbuktu, even for geniuses. I understand that and I'm not that clever. I'm sure people so respectable like Scorsese and Spielberg have very good reasons to think in a different way about this matter in particular and they have a right to say it (after all we live in the free part of the world), but sometimes I think it's a good idea just to be quiet (moments like this one, for example). I admire you more than ever.

    Dear No Put-Downs:
    You hardly have to be clever to understand that wrong is wrong. Give yourself more credit!

    Dear Ted:
    Not a question, just a thought that's been nagging at me. Have you seen Nick Simmons, son of Gene? Would he not have made the most gorgeous Jacob? I mean I have no idea if he can act, but seriously I wouldn't care. Just had to get that off my chest.
    Meg T

    Dear Later Lautner:
    No...we love our Tay-Tay too!

    Dear Ted:
    Did Austin Nichols kiss a girl (Sophia Bush) and actually like it?
    Teddy bear

    Dear Funny One:
    Not as much as Katy Perry, probably.

    Dear Ted:
    No question, just a comment. I'm so proud of you, Ted, for speaking out against R. Polanski. He's a lowlife coward who used his money and power to get away with a horrible crime. My mom used to say there's a special place in H E L L for people like that. I think he'll end up somewhere between Jeffrey Dahmer and Michael Vick! P.S. I know M.V. is not dead...yet!

    Dear Harsh Critic:
    Let's get his legal punishment over with first, then we'll discuss moral.

    Dear Ted:
    I found out that Twilight made the record for highest-grossing film by a female director. This news kinda surprised me. I am not that familiar with directors in Hollywood; is it just a good ol' boys' club? Is Hollywood still stuck in the '50s? I am sure there are talented female directors out there nowadays. Where are they?

    Dear Olden Days:
    I agree, there should be more female directors. At least Drew Barrymore is giving it a shot! As for Cath, that decision was less about being a woman and more about being that particular woman. Execs at Summit did not get along with Hardwicke—at all. I believe the term "bats--t crazy" was used about C.H. We heart that crazy woman, though!