Dear Forrest Hump:
How dare you! Presently clean-cut Tom got all his vices out in the '80s. Think more studly.
Holly Conway, a DJ from Vancouver who met Rob Pattinson a few weeks back, wrote on her Twitter: "Rob Pattinson spotted getting out of a BMW at Coq. Center a few mins ago and was apparently shopping at Le Chateau with K. Stewart? Come on." Someone called her and she confirmed that she got a tip that they were seen together at the Coquitlam Centre.
Dear Volunteer Correspondent:
Thanks for the detective work!
Whoever your source is, you should get rid of him/her immediately. After these pictures of Kristen and Michael, your credibility is down the drain. It's sad... Although I knew you were a gossip columnist, I really started to believe your posts about R and K. Shame on you to make us hope with lies. Normally I wouldn't bother to write, but I'm from Brazil , and I wanted to make sure you knew that your misguided conduct affected people all over the world.
Dear Rio Reviled:
Look, our sources are straight on. And at the end of the day, it boils down to two kids having fun—let them. Besides, is your life any different whether they're hooking up or not? It's all supposed to be fun, hon!
Just wanted to say thanks for the laugh. The phone jockey ending to your latest Truth, Lies & Ted was hilarious and so very sad but true. You made my morning.
Dear Just the Morning?:
We're here all day!
I now am officially ready for the men in white coats over this Robsten thing. My husband is quite unhappy at my obsession. Keep up the good work.
Dear Unhappy Hubby:
How 'bout some role-playing? You be Kristen, he'll be Rob, and you'll both be satisfied!
Just as the Toothy Tile updates were getting routine, but still much appreciated, you introduce the delicious Crotch Uh-lastic. Please tell me, which one is more eager to come out, and who will come out first? Will this be a competition?
Dear Shot In the Groin:
Crotch. By a long, long shot. He's too smart for this BS, anyway.
Hard-Nipple Nick is Ryan Reynolds?
Would you be into anyone else if you were married to ScarJo's boobs?
Do you think Judas Jack-off and his boyfriend will ever come out of the closet? Or will they keep their marriage secret (if they ever get there, of course)?
Dear Once Burned:
Judas' BF knows he's toast if he wants their relationship out there any more than it already is—so, he's settling. Like most of American marriages.
As little as I am interested in this Twilight story, it is the story of the moment and anything else will be dwarfed by it for a long time. Not even Toothy squeezes in much. Sigh. I will just have to hang on to hear anything else going on in the gossip world, but this is tough going for us non-Twilighters.
Dear Fed Up:
Gossip's always going through cycles, sweetie. Right now it's all about those Twi babes. Remember when all anybody could yak about was Posh & Becks? Seems so yawn now!
I've been reading your column for years—ever since college (you're huge at USC), and I have never seen you so alone on a story. Not even Brangelina! Can a studio really control such seemingly independent and rebellious people as K. Stew and Rob P., in this day and age? Can they really do all this? I'm a nosy bitch who likes to gossip, which is why I love you, but at the end of the day it doesn't affect me if Rob P. is dating K. Stew, Nikki Reed or a goat. I hate to see people trashing your reputation, though. I've always enjoyed you and LaineyGossip together, but it really seems like one of you has to be wrong here. I hope it's her. I'm Team Ted!
Dear Goss Be-yotch:
A.T.'s own Becky is a Trojan. We're big fans back! And yes, studios can control their products (that's how they seem 'em, anyway)—at least up to a point.
I am sick and tired of Mike Angarano appearing every time there is a slight possibility of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart getting together. Do you have an angle on this Ted...pretty please?
Dear Have We Met?
I have angles all over the damn place!
No question....just, you go boy! May Lainey eat your dust and puke! I'm confident you have the answers.
Dear Answer Man:
Must someone vomit? So uncouth in competition!