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There's little to admire about ousted Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich other than his remarkable Starfleet officer Chekov-like hairdo, and now the slimeball pol has been reduced to vying for a gopher position on Celebrity Apprentice.

And—surprise!—he's screwing that up, too.

Speaking of screwed up, Tool Academy has broken new ground in inter-gender realtionships, offering a lesbian couple attempting to straighten out their love. Which proves that homosexuals can be just as toolishly pathetic as good ol' fashioned heteros.

Hey, does anyone want a longer penis? Courtesy of Extenze, legendary football coach Jimmy Johnson apparently added that crucial yardage to his johnson, but why not let Joel McHale explain the long and short of it?

And he'll fill you in on lots more tonight at 10 p.m. ET/PT on your satisfying new Soup. Remember, it's not the size, but how much you can laugh at it.

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Size it up for yourself in the Soup blog video gallery.