In a candid interview with Rolling Stone, Elon Musk laments his breakup from Amber Heard, saying he was "really in love" with the actress.
The Justice League and Aquaman actress and the Tesla CEO split this past summer. Following months of public sightings of the two that spurred dating rumors, they went public with their romance this past spring, about a year after Heard filed for divorce from her husband of one year, Johnny Depp, and Musk's wife Talulah Riley filed for divorce.
Rolling Stone writer and famed The Game author Neil Strauss talked to Musk this past summer about his love life in an interview published on Wednesday.
"I just broke up with my girlfriend," Musk told him. "I was really in love, and it hurt bad...Well, she broke up with me more than I broke up with her, I think."
The interview took place on the same week Musk and Heard's split was made public and a week after he attended the Tesla vehicle Model 3 launch event in late July.
"I've been in severe emotional pain for the last few weeks," he said. "Severe. It took every ounce of will to be able to do the Model 3 event and not look like the most depressed guy around. For most of that day, I was morbid. And then I had to psych myself up: drink a couple of Red Bulls, hang out with positive people and then, like, tell myself: 'I have all these people depending on me. All right, do it!'"
Musk talked about relationships in general, saying, "If I'm not in love, if I'm not with a long-term companion, I cannot be happy," he said, later adding, "I will never be happy without having someone. Going to sleep alone kills me."
"When I was a child, there's one thing I said," Musk continued. "'I never want to be alone.' That's what I would say...I don't want to be alone."
Musk asked Strauss, "Is there anybody you think I should date?"
"It's so hard for me to even meet people," Musk said. "I'm looking for a long-term relationship. I'm not looking for a one-night stand. I'm looking for a serious companion or soulmate, that kind of thing."
Soon after their breakup, Musk and Heard posted messages about the split on Instagram.
"Although Amber and I did break up, we are still friends, remain close and love one another," he wrote. "Long distance relationships when both partners have intense work obligations are always difficult, but who knows what the future holds."
Hours later, Heard posted her own Instagram, "Being in the public eye means having to explain yourself to so many people, so much of the time. In this case, I'd like to remain more quiet. Although we have broken up, Elon and I care deeply for one another and remain close. Thank you for the continued support, respect, and privacy during these difficult, very human times."