Real Housewives of New York City Season 8

Bravo

The ghost of Rey loomed large on The Real Housewives of New York City. It's understandable. The ladies, in various pairings, spent a good 15 minutes of this most recent episode retelling the tall tale of Rey, Luann de Lesseps' ex-boyfriend.

"Alright ladies I have a situation. I need three glasses," Ramona Singer said when she walked into Bethenny Frankel's Christmas party. "Please tell me you have your spicy margarita. And I need the thing around it…glass of water and a glass of Pinot. And then I have a story to tell you that you will not believe."

And she's right. The tale of Rey is an absurd one. Last week, viewers met Rey at Dorinda Medley's dry cleaning party. He seemed wasted. Dorinda's boo thing John Mahdessian tried to throw him out, then John got into it with Ramona. Yadda, yadda, yadda, hands got in faces, words were slurred and each woman basically had a different tale to tell.

Ramona retold the story to Carole Radziwill and Bethenny. Jules Wainstein meanwhile had the counterpoints. At another location, while trolling for men, Sonja Morgan and Luann recounted the tale of Rey. Luann said she only went on two dates with Rey, but that included Ibiza. "He's a hot mess. I can't deal with hot messes. Listen my love, I'm too old for that s—t," Luann said to Sonja of all people.

"That's for sure," Sonja said back. But in a confessional, she was quick to point out all the inconsistencies with Luann's story of Rey. Was it a one-night stand? A whirlwind romance? Were they lovers?

Back at Bethenny's Secret Santa party, Dorinda gave Bethenny a vibrating Thigh-Master because of course. Carole gave Dorinda an ornament and Jules gave Ramona a crazy straw (among other things).  Ramona and Dorinda sort of made up, with Ramona saying "We're going to figure it out, so f—k you." Sure.

The rest of the episode dealt with Dorinda disinviting Sonja to the Berkshires, Luann introducing her new man Tom (the new Harry Dubin according to Bethenny) to Jules and some other friends, Ramona's dog pooping all over Dorinda's house and the ladies talking about Sonja not being invited to the Berkshires.

Here are several choice quotes from the episode:

"She's Asian and she's Jewish, but you don't have to remember that because she'll tell you like two dozen times." –Carole on Jules.
"She'll be like, ‘I like water, I'm Asian.'"- Bethenny finishing that thought.

"It's up all the time. It's like a sun dial." Sonja regarding men and their genitals on Viagra.

"It's very prophetic. She spent the last month treating me like s--t, and now her dog's going to treat my house like s--t. It's full circle." – Dorinda on Ramona's dog pooping all over her house. Please note this happened after Sonja pointed out dog poop on the sidewalk and remarked about how her dog poops in her house. Dog poop for all!

"Oh please, Luann. You're tone deaf without some autotune. Please don't let us go through this." – Ramona when Luann said she's going to sing.

"That's the creepiest shit I've ever heard." – Bethenny regarding Luann staying with Sonja.

"That's the blind leading the deaf, you're mentoring Sonja?" – Bethenny regarding Luann saying she's now mentoring Sonja.

They're in the Berkshires, now bring on the drama.

The Real Housewives of New York City airs Wednesdays, 9 p.m. on Bravo.

(E! and Bravo are both part of the NBCUniversal family.)

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