Slaven Vlasic/Getty ImagesAziz Ansari is a comedian, actor and writer. But did you know he's also kind of a modern-day love guru?
He wrote a book (and not a book of essays, we're talking a real book with real research and real facts) all about the struggle that today's Americans go through to find relationships. Deep! Ansari conducted a big part of his studies on a Reddit thread, so this weekend he conducted his very own AMA to promote the book and answer all sorts of questions. But don't worry, it wasn't all pheromones and facts—he tackled some super weird topics too.
As longtime fans of the comedian, we thought we knew a fair amount about him. But then we realized that maybe we've been getting him confused with Tom Haverford this whole time; does Aziz really call it Chicky Chicky Parm Parm? We don't even know anymore.
Luckily he answered some personal questions as well, and we learned a whole lot about Aziz. Did you know that he hates Panera? Mind. Blown.
Read on to see our favorite answers from the AMA, and find out a lot of facts way more interesting than that Panera business.
1. His favorite story from the set of Parks and Rec involves chain restaurants. "One time we had Panera Bread Co for lunch and I was curious why of all the places someone chose Panera. It was Jim O'Heir aka Jerry. He kept begging for Panera even though the rest of the cast did not want it. They got the Panera for him. He ended up wrapping early that day and didn't get to eat it."
2. He's committed vandalism during a standup tour. "One time at some old theatre somewhere I was holding a dude's phone to read his text messages and it slipped from my hand and fell through a crack in the floor and went into some deep, deep basement and broke. (I bought him a new phone)."
3. There's one major thing he would change about modern-day dating. "Less time in front of screens, more time in front of people."
4. Researching his new book gave him major empathy. "Talking to the women in the retirement homes was really interesting. A lot of them talked about living at home with their parents when they were 20 and having no options as far as their lifestyle. They couldn't go to college, have their own careers, etc. So they basically said they got married to get out of the house and have basic adult freedoms. It made me think about how lucky all of us are to now have the 'emerging adulthood' phase where you basically just have a chunk of time to dick around and have fun as an adult and not live at home. That kind of independence was something a lot of these women yearned for and didn't get."
5. He never gets your jokes, fan. "Sometimes people say random things to me on the street, that are kind of obscure Aziz references, and I have no idea why they said it. Example: Stranger: 'Hey off to go sell baby tuxedos?' Me: 'Huh?' Stranger: 'I said, are you off to go sell baby tuxedos!?' Me: 'No...?' Stranger: 'Dude you said that in Parks and Rec.' Me: 'Oh s--t, I'm sorry. I forgot.' Stranger walks off confused and disappointed."
6. He'll never forget the sweet embrace of Nick Offerman. "For some reason, Nick carrying me was a fun go to. I miss him and being in his arms very much. If you're into that, in my new show, Eric Wareheim (Arnold) lifts me up a lot."
7. His most vivid school memory is...strange. "This was elementary school, but once I fell from a swing when I was a little kid cause some bigger kid named Forrest was pushing me too hard. He had me going way too high and the chains got loose and I fell, and I landed on my head really hard. Forrest came up and said, "Are you okay?" and I said, "WHAT DO YOU THINK ASSHOLE?" But it wasn't Forrest, it was a nice teacher named Mrs. O'Tuel. Cause I was a kid, I was dumb, and never even cleared that up with her. Oh well."
8. Don't even mess with his food cravings. "What is my fast food? I own Long John Silver's."