NBCThis Sunday, the stars of the big screen and the small screen come together with alcohol to congratulate each other on another year of playing pretend for money!
Also, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are returning as hosts to light up our lives with their flawless selves. As you can tell, we are pretty adept at predicting what's going to happen four days from now. We're awesome like that. Bask in our awesomness! BASK, WE SAY!
Anyway, here are 23 things that are almost definitely going to happen during the 2015 Golden Globes (plus, one more thing):
1. Tommy Lee Jones will look like he's close to choking out the camera crew every time the show cuts to him.
2. Someone will make a Sony hack joke.
3. Someone will mispronounced Benedict Cumberbatch's name and Tumblr will explode with rage.
4. Jake Gyllenhaal's performance in Nightcrawler will be described as either "haunting" or "disturbing." Guaranteed.
5. Bill Murray will do something very Billy Murray-ish.
6. There will be a Hulk vs. Hulk joke in the Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture category aimed toward Mark Ruffalo and Edward Norton.
7. Amy and Tina will make us sigh heavily and curse the sky because we aren't best friends with them.
8. Meryl Streep will reign supreme, even if she wins zero awards
9. Someone will make a connection between Gone Girl, Rosamund Pike and Taylor Swift's "Blank Space" video
10. There will be some kind of bit about Tina and Amy popping the Golden Globe cherry for Jane the Virgin's Gina Rodriguez. Gina will laugh at the joke and look perfectly adorably in the audience.
11. Everyone will miss Lupita Nyong'o terribly. She'll be there! We don't have to miss her anymore!
12. Someone will reference the passing of Joan Rivers and how the red carpet just isn't the same without her.
13. Jennifer Aniston will get at least three questions on the red carpet about "finally" being taken seriously as a dramatic actress.
14. These two puns will be made regarding Benedict Cumberbatch's pregnancy news: "Cumber-baby" and "Cumber-bun in the oven!"
15. Whoever presents the Best Screenplay in a Motion Picture nominees will have a sheer moment of panic before pronouncing the names of the Birdman team: Alejandro González Iñárritu, Nicolás Giacobone, Alexander Dinelaris and Armando Bo.
16. Ben Affleck's penis in Gone Girl will be mentioned at least once.
17. There will be a Serial joke in the opening monologue.
18. The media will trip over themselves when George Clooney shows up with new beautiful wife, Amal Clooney. Literally. One reporter will fall over just at the mere sight of them.
19. Leonardo DiCaprio won't win a Golden Globe (low blow, we know, but this is accurate as he is not nominated).
20. Emily Blunt and John Krasinski will make you positively green with envy over their perfect couple-ness as they glide along the red carpet.
21. We will throw something at the TV when we are reminded that Parks and Recreation was horribly, brutally snubbed.
22. Robert Downey Jr. and Mark Ruffalo will be spotted science bro-ing out.
23. Chris Pratt will be the best interview on the carpet.
24. The Indianapolis Colts will beat the Denver Broncos.
Yes, we know. It has nothing to do with the Golden Globes, but the game is on Sunday so we're putting it out there in the universe because we want it to happen. Go Colts!)
What are your predictions for the 2015 Golden Globes?