Nicki Minaj's Suicidal Past: "Maybe I Should Just Take My Life?"

Hip-hop's rap diva opens up in a Cosmopolitan interview about feeling "completely worthless"

By Bruna Nessif Oct 10, 2011 11:30 PMTags
Nicki MinajGary Gershoff/Getty Images

Nicki Minaj is known for being one of the strongest female voices in the hip-hop world—even Rolling Stone put her on their list of the top rappers in the game right now—but it sure wasn't easy.

The 28-year-old, who is not married to Drake, revealed in the November issue of Cosmopolitan that her struggles to make it in the music industry fell so heavily on her that she felt completely worthless and even contemplated suicide.

"I kept having doors slammed in my face," Minaj told the mag. "I felt like nothing was working. I had moved out on my own, and here I was thinking I'd have to go home."

But going home wasn't the worst of her thoughts.

"It was just one dead end after another. At one point, I was, like, 'What would happen if I just didn't wake up?' That's how I felt. Like, 'Maybe I should just take my life?'"

Luckily, Minaj (and all her rapping alter egos) didn't let the constant rejection discourage her from trying to do what she loves. And in the end, our little star got linked up with some of the industry's greatest artists, created a Barbz fan army on Twitter and was asked to open for Britney Spears' latest tour, so we'd say it all worked out pretty well.

Like the true go-getter Nicki is, she has a lot more plans for her future.

"I will have put out five albums and will have an Oscar and Grammys," she says. "And I will be getting married and, a couple of years after that, will have a bun in the oven. My whole life is about being Nicki Minaj now. It's a never-ending saga."