Miley Cyrus, Tish Cyrus


Dear Ted:
What's going on with Miley Cyrus? I saw pictures of her with a huge tattoo (and smoking cigarettes)! What's the latest gossip about her?

Dear MIA Miley:
This is so typical of Miley. She disappeared for a good month or so; I'm guessing to sort out some family business she was dealing with or that bong video everyone was talking about. And now that she's ready to hit the tabloids again, she has to make a friggin' statement. The tat is on the side of her torso, and she says it's a copy of the dream catcher that hangs above her bed. How spiritual and Demi Moore of you, M! Quit being rebellious already, it's getting old. Maybe she took the rumored fling ex Liam Hemsworth had with Lo Bosworth a little too seriously?

Dear Ted:
I'm just wondering what really happened with Michael Angarano and Kristen Stewart, did she really dump Michael for Robert? And I really don't know how they (Rob and Kris) fell in love with each other. And my last question is when they fell in love?

Dear Antsy Robsten Lover:
Million-dollar question, baby, as to exactly when. But have you not seen Twilight or something? If you didn't fall in love with your costar after filming such sexually tense scenes I would think there was something severely wrong with your sex drive. You can't fight chemistry, even if you're Michael Angarano. He's old news, and Kris has moved on to better and yummier things. Believe me, Rob has nothing, and no one, to worry about. Especially if he's seen this.

Dear Ted:
Just saw the Social Network and loved Jesse Eisenberg and Andrew Garfield. It's great to see such talent among Young Hollywood. I'm hoping they are nice, down-to-earth guys, or do they have some Vicey secrets in their closets?

Dear Squeak Clean Oscar:
them both! For now, they don't have any juicy Vices, but give them time—we have high hopes for these two. Though, I'd hate to see it happen in any kind of a Tara Reid way, and I don't think it will. They are too cute to be overly corrupted, just yet.  

Dear Ted:
Why does Halle Berry have an accusation levied against every man she's ever been with? David Justice? She claims he treated her badly. Eric Benet? She said he was a sex addict who cheated on her. Some no-name boyfriend? Her claim was he busted her eardrum. What about that dentist in Chicago who loaned her money? Now she's levying claims against Gabriel Aubry, and they're more serious due to the child. What is up with her?

Dear Victim:
You've got a point there, hon. Looks like a trend. Either she's totally one of those broads who plays the victim, post breakup, or maybe the doll really just doesn't know how to pick ‘em and really is the victim? Whatever happens, I just hope that super cute kid of theirs doesn't have issues after this ugly custody battle. Gabriel shouldn't be that bad of a daddy, even if he may be a loser of a BF.

Dear Ted:
My rescue grays aren't feeling the love. They are sniffing around King Schlong but want to run circles around all those other doggies that keep saying they are smarter than grays. So what they have sniffed out is this question: Is King Schlong's talent better equipped for the stage or the big screen? And has he ever been caught for Vicey behavior before this—like stealing the babe that belonged to another man's jewels?
Olive and Tye still love you

Dear Puppy Sniffers:
I'd say the King prefers the big screen, but I wouldn't rule the stage out of question, either. He's rocked both. But trust, whatever gives him more camera time, he is bound to dive into pronto. And you're quite warm on your last query. Much woof to your rescue grays!

Dear Ted:
At the risk of creating an angry mob I have to ask: Is it possible to make it through one Bitch-Back with no Twilight-related questions? I know people have different tastes, but the overexposure is killing me.

Dear Twi-Hard Enabler:
While I totally want to high-five you for proposing such a fab idea, you just did it yourself. Is your question not Twilight-related? It's like the plague. Plus, you love to hate it, let's be real.

Dear Ted:
Why would everyone think that Nikki Reed and Robert Pattinson have hooked up? For me, they were just buddies who have a few commonalities, and she said a million times that Rob is like a brother for her, and she used to go out a few times with Michael Angarano, and Kristen would have never dated her BFF's ex.

Dear Loyalty over Loving:
It wasn't serious. And the thing is, as much as the Twi-hards love them their Robsten, they love to stir the pot and see if they can triangulate some more Twilight drama to satisfy their needs. Is it impossible for everyone (except Robsten, of course) to just be friends at this point? Also, it's about time everyone ditched this Angarano business. Who cares? Especially since K.Stew doesn't!

Dear Ted:
I've been reading and watching interviews with Leighton Meester while she is doing press for The Roommate—and nobody has asked about Garrett Hedlund? I have a hard time believing that. Or did she request no personal questions? What is Ms. Meester hiding?

Dear PR Pecks:
Um, maybe that the two never dated and were just promoting Country Strong? I would hate to discover this is true since I absolutely think they would make the hottest Young Hollywood couple out there. But Meester is zipping her lip, super tight. Her publicist isn't going to let her talk about Garrett until her movie, and his, really come out. Plus, I think Garrett's too busy working on selling On the Road with that beauty of a costar of his!

Dear Ted:
So you mentioned that Kristen Stewart hooked up with someone else besides our boy Robbie in the horny Twi-verse. Would said hookup be a recurring character in all five movies, or would he have maybe debuted in New Moon?? By the by, I think you are just fan-freaking-tastic!

Dear Hornball:
Thanks, sugar! But please, you think Kristen is that easy? She's not going to be into any schmuck who comes on the set for an itty-bitty cameo, or even a big role in one of the movies. We all know she's a big-timer, and so are the people she gets close with.

Dear Ted:
Gossip is buzzing about Lea Michele being a Glee diva (to which I have to say good for her! She's gorgeous, amazingly talented and is famous for something other than dating a new reality "celeb" every week), but I'm wondering about a different sort of diva. You've indicated that someone's ego on Vampire Diaries has grown quite a bit since the show started, and I'm dying for some gossip here. Your clues indicate it's one of the big three, and I'm afraid it's Paul Wesley. No offense to Ian Somerhadler but Paul is my favorite, and I don't wanna hear bad news about him! Any hints?

Dear TV Divas:
The biggest problem on this set is not the divas (male and female), but the supposed offset chemistry between Ian and Nina Dobrev. It never ceases to amaze me how all these tweens and teens become infatuated with any kind of vampire loving. Is it a blood or death thing? Either way, I'm all for Paul, too. He's way hotter—and very cool in his off-set goings-on—than Ian, anyway.  

Dear Ted:
Where has Jessica Simpson disappeared to? It wasn't all that long ago that she was parading about town with her man and stumbling around NYC. Is there a reason behind her vanishing act? From Iowa City (buried deeply in snow).

Dear Snowed In:
Waiting for Jake Gyllenhaal's table at a restaurant, which pretty much says it all.

Dear Ted:
Please tell me that there aren't any B.V.s in the cast of my favorite show, The Office. I love Steve, John and Jenna.
Office fan

Dear Over the Top:
Aside from some of them having bigger egos than could fit in a friggin' huge, I mean huge, office—no. But if you ask me, some of them are just boring prick wads, at times, and that's just not juicy enough for my standards.

Dear Ted:
What's your take on Christian Bale? He has earned a horrible reputation due to his on the set tirade and the incident with his mother and sister. However, he has seemed so lovely this awards season! He was acting like "Mr. Sunshine" at the Golden Globes, and his SAG acceptance speech seemed sweet and genuine. Is he a fairly nice guy with a bad temper? What gives?

Dear Bad Boy Bale:
I'm all for that rough around-the-edges dude. Bale has been über friendly during this award season, at least come camera time. And he was one of the few not taking Ricky Gervais too seriously. Never thought he was all that bad. Loads of good people have bad tempers; though when it becomes rage, it's hardly sexy anymore. As long as he doesn't take it to the next level again, I think we're in the clear. He's still a hot fantasy superhero, hot head and all. Oh, and minus the beard.

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